Can Anyone comment on the standard of my essay please

[questfulmind]

Excerpt
"Throughout the last two decades, those who earned graduate degrees found it very difficult to get jobs teaching their academic specialties at the college level. Those with graduate degrees from Waymarsh University had an especially hard time finding such jobs. But better times are coming in the next decade for all academic job seekers, including those from Waymarsh. Demographic trends indicate that an increasing number of people will be reaching college age over the next 10 years; consequently, we can expect that the job market will improve dramatically for people seeking college-level teaching positions in their fields."

My response

Variation of trend in the job market is a common phenomenon. For two decades if there has been an evident trend of lack of jobs in academia especially for college level teaching positions, it might be a reflection of multi-faceted perspectives. The contributing factors might be sourced from policies of hiring to the availability of jobs for the college graduates in their areas of education.

In the argument it has to be specified the kinds of teaching jobs that had been running at a scarcity level. If the implied shortage observed for the last 20 years has been the availability of full time faculty positions then the hiring policies that are concerned, needs to be addressed. For example based on the minimum level of education needed to perform college level teaching it could be a possibility that the concerned administrative boards are hiring more and more part time members, especially adjuncts and not considering opening up of positions with tenure track.

As far as Waymarsh University is concerned, the difficulty for their graduates to get teaching jobs could be a result of the fact that they might be turning more graduates in the arenas where there is a lack of jobs for people considering those majors. For example if Waymarsh is graduating students in the arena of religious studies, the end on aspect of religious studies not having that much of commercial validation, cannot compete in popularity amongst students seeking to major in business or engineering. Thus non-availability of student interest has contributed to the difficult situation especially for Waymarsh graduates.

There has been the mention in the excerpt that in the next decade there will be a rise in the number of people reaching college going age. However, such a rise itself cannot be a full proof indicator for an increase in job prospect for college teachers. A conclusion based on a holistic view might be of some alleviating promise but needs a lot of considerations. One primary concern is, even though number of young adults being on a rise what would be the parameter that would justify that the youth would consider college education a priority. Secondly, the budget allocated for education, will it permit making significant new hire that would offer a relief to the non- availability of teaching positions in the last 20 years. Thus, the issue of predicting a growth in job market based on a single point analysis of a demographic data is not comprehensive but needs further analysis from the experts in education policy makers and economics.
29 minutes 36 seconds.

This was a timed response for the excerpt, I would deeply appreciate of you could please provide a an overall rating on a scale of 2 to 6.

regards