GMAT Essays (AWA)

The following appeared as part of an article reviewing summer camps for children.

Parents, if you need a summer camp for your children look no further than Federville Farms. In a recent survey, Federville Farms ranked first in both overall camper satisfaction and in food quality, and second in the variety of outdoor activities. Federville Farms has been family owned and operated for over forty years, so you have nothing to worry about when it comes to your child's safety, and it employs more Red Cross certified lifeguards than any other camp in the state. If you seek the best camp experience for your children, Federville Farms is the best choice you can make.

Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. In your discussion be sure to analyze the line of reasoning and the use of evidence in the argument. For example, you may need to consider what questionable assumptions underlie the thinking and what alternative explanations or counterexamples might weaken the conclusion. You can also discuss what sort of evidence would strengthen or refute the argument, what changes in the argument would make it more logically sound, and what, if anything, would help you better evaluate its conclusion.

Response:
An article appears in, presumably, a magazine, wherein the author of the article reviews one of the children summer camps in the State, named Federville Farms. The author recommends parents of children to enroll their children for a summer camp at Federville Farms. He highlights the food quality, various outdoor activities, and child-safety as some of the reasons why Federville Farms should be a preferred camping option over other such camps in the State. The author stresses that the camp employs more Red Cross certified lifeguards than any other camp in the State. He endorses that Federville Farm promises to give the best camping experience to the children.

The author goes on to highlight that Federville Farm was recently ranked first in overall camping experience and in food quality. Generally, when advertisements make such a claim, they quote the agency who monitored such a survey and declared the results. However, in this case the author completely omits to mention the surveyor, raising doubts over the credibility of his claim. Quoting the name of an actual independent surveyor who actually conducted the survey would have gone a long way in allaying possible doubts in the moods of the readers.

Secondly, the survey also claims that Federville Farms was ranked second in terms of variety of outdoor activities. The author leaves the readers inquisitive about the kind of outdoor activities the camp has on offer. Enumerating certain examples of outdoor activities conducted at the camp would not only make the camp seem more attractive, but could also result in more enrollments.

The author suggests that since the camp is family-run and has been operating for over forty years, the camp is safe for children. The author would have soothed the nerves of parents if he could have listed the various on-site safety facilities offered by the camp. Some of such facilities could be, proper first-aid kits, life-jackets for any activities in water bodies, on-site medical vans, in-house doctor etc. He does mention the presence of Red Cross certified lifeguards on the camp. But, does the number of lifeguards the camp employs adhere to the statutory number of lifeguards required?

The article is a good advertisement for Federville Farms. But, the author misses to point out certain key details to leave absolutely no doubt in the minds of the parents that their children will not only enjoy their time at the camp but will also be safe at the same time.