GMAT Essays (AWA)

The following appeared as part of an article reviewing summer camps for children.

Parents, if you need a summer camp for your children look no further than Federville Farms. In a recent survey, Federville Farms ranked first in both overall camper satisfaction and in food quality, and second in the variety of outdoor activities. Federville Farms has been family owned and operated for over forty years, so you have nothing to worry about when it comes to your child's safety, and it employs more Red Cross certified lifeguards than any other camp in the state. If you seek the best camp experience for your children, Federville Farms is the best choice you can make.

Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. In your discussion be sure to analyze the line of reasoning and the use of evidence in the argument. For example, you may need to consider what questionable assumptions underlie the thinking and what alternative explanations or counterexamples might weaken the conclusion. You can also discuss what sort of evidence would strengthen or refute the argument, what changes in the argument would make it more logically sound, and what, if anything, would help you better evaluate its conclusion.


The author's claim that Federville Farms is the best summer camp option for children lacks substantial evidence. Federville Farms may indeed be a sound option for summer camp; however, the author fails to provide convincing evidence. Although variety of services and safety are important, there are other options that need to be assessed.

The author attempts to support the claim by citing that Federville Farms ranks first in both overall camper satisfaction and in food quality, and second in the variety of outdoor activities. No place in the article is a source mentioned for those rankings. Without a reputable source, like a survey of parents and children for example, the rankings are unreliable. In addition, the author's premise that by simply having more Red Cross certified lifeguards than any other camp in the state, child safety is a guarantee. The author does not consider the possibility of more lifeguards leading to less perceived responsibility, likely increasing the probability of an accident. Without providing a source for rankings or considering more factors regarding safety, the author's premises are weak.

The article concludes by stating that Federville Farms it the best summer camp option. The author does not specify if best is limited to the state or if it is a regional or national ranking. Without specifying the scope of what constitutes a good summer camp option, the validity of the claim is not substantiated. It is probable that parents consider pricing a significant factor. There is no mention of price in the article to provide parents a comprehensive picture of different summer camp options. Without any information regarding price, the label of "best" is subjective.

To add validity to the review of summer camps, the author could cite the source of the rankings. If the rankings are from a reputable third party source, the claim that Federville Farms is the best summer camp option for children would be more convincing. In addition, if the author included a table listing the relative prices, parents could determine if Federville Farms is indeed the best option for their children.

In sum, it is unconfirmed if Federville Farms is the best summer camp option for parents to send their children. The author's conclusion relies on premises that lack sources and uses information that does not provide a comprehensive assessment. Furthermore, with the threat of bias in the rankings and no mention price, the conclusion is invalid. To confirm if the Federville Farms is the best summer camp option, the author needs to provide more evidence to support this review.

Katharine@GMATPrepNow wrote:Hello msauers,

After your first response, I recommended improving your conclusion. You've added in several details from the prompt, so the conclusion for this responds looks stronger.

Writing: I didn't see any major writing errors. As long as you can save a few minutes to review your work before submitting, you should be able to recreate this high quality for the GMAT.

Structure: You've done a better job with the conclusion for this response. I think that your intro could use another sentence to beef it up, because it seems short compared to the other paragraphs. Otherwise the structure is great.

Arguments/Examples: I found all of your examples reasonable, and it was clear that you understood the author's argument.

Suggestions for Improvement: I don't see any reason to take points off for this essay. If you have time, try to get at least three solid sentences in your intro so it matches the length of your later paragraphs. Keep up the good work! If you can recreate this kind of work on the GMAT, you should be in great shape.

If you have specific questions, please let me know.

Best,
Katharine

Thanks a lot, Katharine. When I was writing the AWA, I had your earlier suggestion (adding detail to the conclusion) in mind. Before reading your comment, I knew my intro was the weakest component of the essay. I will work on that going forward. I truly appreciate your dedication to this forum. We are lucky to have you monitoring and providing feedback seven days per week!