GMAT Essays (AWA)

Vertias prep test

The following appeared as part of an article reviewing summer camps for children.

Parents, if you need a summer camp for your children look no further than Federville Farms. In a recent survey, Federville Farms ranked first in both overall camper satisfaction and in food quality, and second in the variety of outdoor activities. Federville Farms has been family owned and operated for over forty years, so you have nothing to worry about when it comes to your child's safety, and it employs more Red Cross certified lifeguards than any other camp in the state. If you seek the best camp experience for your children, Federville Farms is the best choice you can make.

Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. In your discussion be sure to analyze the line of reasoning and the use of evidence in the argument. For example, you may need to consider what questionable assumptions underlie the thinking and what alternative explanations or counterexamples might weaken the conclusion. You can also discuss what sort of evidence would strengthen or refute the argument, what changes in the argument would make it more logically sound, and what, if anything, would help you better evaluate its conclusion.

Article advises parents to prefer Federville Farms if they need a summer camp for their children. It shows the findings of a recent survey, in which Federville Farms ranked first in both overall camper satisfaction and in food quality, and second in the variety of outdoor activities, to assert its advice. Article also informs that Federville Farms has been family owned and operated for over forty years, thereby guaranteeing the child's safety, and that it employs more Red Cross certified lifeguards than any other camp in the state. It concludes that if parents seek the best camp experience for their children, Federville Farms is the best choice they can make. The article contains following unstated assumptions to validate the above argument.

Primarily, author advises parents to go for Federville Farms summer camp for their children and nothing else. He believes it is the best choice by citing the findings of a survey without any mention of the details such as who took the survey, how reliable it is, what factors they considered and what section of people they inquired for the survey. If the survey is done by the Federville Farms own team or team employed by them, then it is possible that irrespective of other reasons the survey may be in favor of themselves. even if the survey is undertaken by someone else, reliability or pragmatic considerations in taking the survey are to be soldiered before accepting its findings as facts. If the people who are part of the survey are the loyal customers of the Federville Farms, then it is possible that the data is biased towards the Federville Farms. Author provides no such information regarding any of these aspects.

Author also mentions that Federville Farms has been family owned and operated for over forty years, so there is nothing to worry about when it comes to your child's safety, and that it employs more Red Cross certified lifeguards than any other camp in the state. While this can be true, there are many cases where mishaps occurred in reputed organisations with a lot of history behind or things took time for such things to come out in open. It is possible that some accidents may happen and still founders conceal the information so that its image would not be tarnished. Recent Johnsons powder is the best example to explain the same.After all this years of trust, finally it came out that their use can result in ovarian cancer. Thus years of history and trust can assure you to some extent but it cannot guarantee the outcomes or chid's safety.

Presence of Red Cross certified lifeguards can be soothing but cannot guarantee the safety. This author advice to go for Federville Farms as it is the best choice which can give best camp experience for children is an extreme inference. After all everything has its pros and cons. Therefore one needs to consider all the above factors before deciding on the campsite.

Hi Meera.

This essay started off rather well, except maybe for one thing. In the first paragraph you restated almost the entire argument, making the first paragraph rather long, and going forward maybe that became part of a problem.

Also, Article advises parents to prefer Federville Farms and Article also informs that Federville Farms need The before Article.

The second paragraph is sweet, fully discussing the issue, though I have not seen the word "soldiered" used in that way before.

Before Author also mentions you need The, as in The author also mentions.

The third paragraph is good, but mentions the lifeguards without addressing the topic. Maybe you should have left out the lifeguards part and just discussed the forty years of operation part. The example is spot on, though, and through the third paragraph this essay goes rather well.

Then comes the fourth paragraph. Suddenly the lifeguard topic is discussed, and then you wrote a hasty conclusion.

Also, Presence of Red Cross certified lifeguards needs a The before Presence.

I guess that for some reasons, maybe partly because of the length of the preceding paragraphs you ran out of time.

Maybe you should have made the opening and second paragraphs a little shorter?

Whatever the reason for running out of time, once you were out of the third paragraph, probably you should have just ditched the lifeguard topic and focused on wrapping up.

This essay is your best one yet, until the concluding paragraph.