I've just started practicing my AWA essay writing. Please give a critique. Here's the prompt:
The following appeared in a presentation by the chief production manager of a machine parts manufacturing
company at a management meeting:
"Our factory in Cookville is our most advanced and efficient. It is capable of producing ten drill bits for each dollar of
production costs, whereas none of our other factories can produce more than seven drill bits per dollar of production
costs. Therefore, we can reduce our overall drill bit production costs by devoting the Cookville factory entirely to drill
bit production. Since reducing the production costs of individual machine parts is the only way to achieve our larger
goal of reducing our overall production costs, dedicating the Cookville factory entirely to drill bit production and
shifting all other machine part production to our other factories will help us to attain that larger goal."
Me Essay:
The arugument for devoting the Cookville factory completely to the production of drill bits is glawed for the following reasons, the only product mentioned were the drill bits, the language was vague, and other pertinent information about the factoies was not mentioned.
To begin the Production manager states that, the overall goal is to reduce the company's overall production cost, but only mentions the Cookville fatory's drill bit production costs. It is implied from the passage that the company makes a variety of products, some of which is produced at the Cookville factory. It may be that the Cookville factory is able to produce all of the products that the factory makes at a lower production cost. If this is the case, then by only producing drill bits at the Cooksville factory the production manager will only be lowering the production cost of one product instead of achieving the goal of lowering production cost overall.
Next the production manager mention that the Cookville factory is the "most advance and efficient". This language is vague. The manager does not give an explanation of how the factory is more advance or efficient, so the reader is left to wonder if it's becase the workers have been trained better or if they have more experience in the production of machine parts. In either case, an option could be to mimic the Cookville factory's efficiency in the company's other factories by training the staff.
Lastly, the manager's argument would be strengthened if there was some mention of the salaries between the different factories. If Cookville's worker are better trained and better paid they may be able to lower production cost by producing better product with fewer workers. The other factories may be paying less for their worker, but who are less skilled at their jobs.
In Conclusion, the manager's argument was flawed because the only product mentioned were the drill bits, the language was vague, and the other factory information was not mentioned.
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