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Rate my AWA

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Durrrrr Newbie | Next Rank: 10 Posts
Joined
20 Jan 2017
Posted:
2 messages

Rate my AWA

Post Fri Jan 20, 2017 2:48 pm
Elapsed Time: 00:00
  • Lap #[LAPCOUNT] ([LAPTIME])
    Hi
    This was my first try on AWA , please rate and tell me how can i improve.
    Question
    “Our promotional price reductions on energy drinks have been highly successful, as we have seen a dramatic increase in unit sales. Further, surveys of our consumers indicate that this promotion was favorably received by the majority of our customers. Therefore, to improve our company’s profitability and enhance its perception in the eyes of consumers, similar price reductions should be offered on all drinks produced by our firm.”

    Answer
    The argument states that because of the promotional price reductions on energy drinks have lead to a dramatic increase in sales and that consumer surveys indicate that this promotion was favorably received by the majority of our customers.Then it suggests,in order to improve company's profitability and enhance its perception,that similar price reductions should be offered on all drinks produced by the firm.
    The major flaw in the arguments is that it readily assumes that the dramatic increase in the sales is a direct result of the promotional price reductions.Just because one event preceded another,doesn't necessarily means that the first even caused the second event.There could be many other reasons that could have caused the second event to occur.There could be other factors present that could have lead to the increase in sales of energy drinks,for example,if the quality of energy drinks sold by the company improved,and it is just as likely to increase sales as is a reduction in price.Without any evidence that indicate that the said price reductions directly led to increase in sales,the argument is flawed.
    Secondly,the argument assumes that an increase in sales always means higher profit.Reduction in prices lead to lower revenues per unit sale,so it is possible that the increased sales didn't have an effect on profits whatsoever,it is even possible that the profits from sales of energy drinks reduced.So it is unreasonable to assume that sales and profits always go hand in hand.
    Lastly,the argument unreasonably assumes that if some strategy worked for one product,it will work for every other product.Markets for different products are different,hence each product has different consumers with different taste and preferences.So this strategy is unlikely to be successful,unless some evidence suggesting otherwise is presented.
    In conclusion,the argument is flawed in many ways,as it assumes some things unreasonably.The arguments can be strengthened if some facts and evidence are provided that support those assumptions.

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    michaelklee Newbie | Next Rank: 10 Posts Default Avatar
    Joined
    11 Jan 2017
    Posted:
    3 messages
    Post Wed Mar 08, 2017 1:43 pm
    The overall organization of your paragraphs transitioned well and your justification why the prompt is flawed are great, however the diction used is very basic. Try reading articles like The Economist because they have great examples of writing, for the most part.

    A good format to follow is:
    1) Intro: restate the prompt, don't forget to mention it's flawed
    2) Identify and attack overall main flaw
    3) Identify and attack false assumptions
    4) Identify ways the prompt could be strengthened
    5) Conclusion: restate the prompt is flawed for the following reasons and if it had the suggestions you provided, it would be a stronger argument.

    Also, the length is quite short, which means you didn't go in-depth into the flawed points of the prompt. Try picking 2-3 main flaws and really attack them. Ask yourself the question, "Why?" in every situation. That might spark some creative responses.

    Lastly, there are some good prompts out there that you might want to take a look at. I personally have only written a couple practice essays, so I'm no expert by any means, but I plan on reading those templates and getting myself familiarized with them because they can provide the "bones" of the essay and the "flesh" comes from the prompt itself.

    I hope this helps and that others more experienced or have taken the essay and scored well on it, can provide you better insight. But I would suggest keep on writing, change things up here and there, read different templates/examples of good essays, and you should be good!

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