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Rate my AWA Essay Please and give me pinters on how i can im

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asamanta Senior | Next Rank: 100 Posts Default Avatar
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Rate my AWA Essay Please and give me pinters on how i can im

Post Thu Jun 05, 2008 10:33 am
Elapsed Time: 00:00
  • Lap #[LAPCOUNT] ([LAPTIME])
    Football enthusiasts insist that their sport, more than any other, epitomizes the character of the American people. They say that its rough and tumble style and aggressive play on large fields are reminiscent of the pioneer era of America's history. Other people say that no sporting contest, which is confined to a particular time and played by a strict set of rules, can truly epitomize a nations character.

    Which position do you find more compelling? Explain your position using reasons and/or examples drawn from your personal experience, observations or readings.



    11:57 - 12:27

    Football enthusiasts insist that football, more than other sport, epitomizes the character of the American people. I do not find this to be true at all. To generalize a nations character to a game of football is to over generalize American people's character. I would like to support my position by firstly stating the bias in such a statement and then talking about character traits of an individual's character.

    Firstly I would like to state that football enthusiasts do not represent a major proportion of the population and although they might think of football as the epitome of American people's character, it is probably only true for extreamly small proportion of the nation's population. I find the game of football very aggressive at all times. However the USA has not been overly aggressive at all times. The aggression in Americans, if it exists, is minimal and only present in situations when required. The rough and rumble, that these enthusiasts say represent the pioneer era, could be compared to the pioneer era but what does the rest of the game represent?

    Secondly I would like to talk about character traits of individuals. I think every individual is very different from another. It is virtually impossible to generalize a nations character based on American people's character. Firstly, the character of a person is far beyond a strict set of rules and not confined to a stipulated period of time, as a game of football is. Secondly the character of a person takes a lifetime to develop. Hence the character of America can not be generalized on the basis of what American football enthusiasts think.

    In conclusion I would like to restate that football enthusiast's claim that football represents the character of the American people is firstly biased, and secondly over generalized, as a nations character can not be based on a small group of the population.

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    VP_Jim GMAT Instructor Default Avatar
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    Post Sun Jun 08, 2008 6:42 pm
    Try to avoid using the word "I" in your essays - it is generally not good style. It takes a bit of creativity to find other ways to say things, but your writing will look a lot better.

    Next, make sure you back up your points with specific examples. Rather than saying that "football is aggressive", say that "in a recent game between the Oakland Raiders and San Diego Chargers, Kirk Morrison, a Raiders linebacker, purposefully stepped on San Diego's quarterback's knee" or something like that. This will REALLY strengthen your argument.

    I'd give this one a 3.

    _________________
    Jim S. | GMAT Instructor | Veritas Prep

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