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Preparation for AWA - Please provide inputs!

This topic has 1 member reply
HelloSara2017 Newbie | Next Rank: 10 Posts Default Avatar
Joined
05 Jul 2017
Posted:
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Preparation for AWA - Please provide inputs!

Post Wed Jul 05, 2017 3:36 am
Elapsed Time: 00:00
  • Lap #[LAPCOUNT] ([LAPTIME])
    The following appeared as part of an article in a magazine devoted to regional life:
    “Corporations should look to the city of Helios when seeking new business opportunities or a new location. Even in
    the recent recession, Helios’s unemployment rate was lower than the regional average. It is the industrial center of
    the region, and historically it has provided more than its share of the region’s manufacturing jobs. In addition, Helios
    is attempting to expand its economic base by attracting companies that focus on research and development of
    innovative technologies.”


    Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. In your discussion be sure to analyze the line of reasoning and
    the use of evidence in the argument.


    My writing:

    A writer from a magazine devoted to regional life recommended, “corporations should look to the city of Helios when seeking new business opportunities or a new location” to demonstrate how accommodating the city of Helios is in supporting business growth. The argument is flawed for two key reasons. The author points out the low unemployment rate in the city of Helios, however he does not provide any supporting evidence related to the size of the population in the city. Finally, the author contradicts himself in the last line of the premise.

    Firstly, what scale is the author using to determine how well the city of Helios is performing in terms of unemployment rate? Is he using a sample of similar regional cities? Identifying relevant criteria is critical in such an evaluation. Therefore, without statistics of the population size, there is no way to estimate whether the city is truly performing better than its latter counterparts.

    Secondly, the author overlooks reasons as to why corporations should consider the city of Helios. As mentioned in the premise, the city of Helios' vision is to attract companies that focus on research and development of innovative technologies. Not all businesses are focused in this field so this contradicts the author’s recommendation.

    To conclude, this is a weak argument. To strengthen it, the author should include relevant statistics of the population to determine how well the city is performing. Without compelling evidence to support his premise, the argument’s recommendations are not worthy of consideration.

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    Top Member

    elias.latour.apex Master | Next Rank: 500 Posts
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    Post Fri Jul 07, 2017 6:48 am
    It was an interesting essay. Unfortunately, I fear that it may not get the score that you were looking for. There are several things that could be improved, but one of the first to point out is that the essay is probably too short. GMAC has done internal studies and determined that one of the top factors that contributes to a good AWA score is the length of the essay. Personally, I wrote 7 paragraphs and scored a 6.

    I also note that you left several flaws unmentioned. The conclusion of the argument is stated in the first line: Corporations should look to the city of Helios when seeking new business opportunities or a new location. Why? Because Helios has low unemployment. The assumption, therefore, is that low unemployment will be good for corporations looking for a new location. Is this necessarily true? Some might argue that a corporation would be better off opening a new location in a place where lots of people are looking for jobs.

    The argument also mentions that Helios is an industrial center. Is that automatically good for corporations? I think it depends on the corporation. Do insurance companies want to set up in an industrial area? Not necessarily. What about corporations dedicated to teaching children? Again, perhaps not. The argument seems to assume that an industrial area is a good thing.

    Finally, the argument talks about incentives for research and development. That might be great if you are doing research and development, but what if you are running a real estate company? How will that help you?

    With these three assumptions in mind, you could expand your essay by at least a paragraph and potentially improve your score. I also recommend having a laundry list of connectors that you can drop into your essay in order to spruce it up. I used moreover, furthermore, additionally, however, and other high impact words that I dropped into the essay after I had written it to help it flow better. You might consider doing the same.

    _________________
    Elias Latour
    Verbal Specialist @ ApexGMAT
    blog.apexgmat.com
    +1 (646) 736-7622

    Thanked by: HelloSara2017

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