Please analyze my AWA.Experts opinion required .

This topic has expert replies
Master | Next Rank: 500 Posts
Posts: 110
Joined: Wed Feb 22, 2012 11:28 pm
Location: India
Thanked: 13 times
Followed by:1 members
"Seven years ago, Zephyr Industries had no problem recruiting qualified candidates from college campuses. This year, however, Zephyr has hired only three qualified interns, fewer than one-quarter of those hired in each of the three preceding years. This suggests that the company's recruitment efforts need to be revamped. Since a growing number of potential recruits learn of career opportunities via social media and online discussion boards, Zephyr should suspend its campus recruitment efforts and instead hire social media consultants."
Discuss how well-reasoned you find this argument. In your discussion, be sure to analyze the line of reasoning and the use of evidence in the argument. For example, you may need to consider what questionable assumptions underlie the thinking and what alternative explanations or counterexamples might weaken the conclusion. You can also discuss what sort of evidence would strengthen or refute the argument, what changes in the argument would make it more logically sound, and what, if anything, would help you better evaluate its conclusion.


for the above argument please examine my AWA and help me determine my approximate score.Thanks much!
Experts please help :)

My response was:-
The argument above discusses about the recruitment efforts of Zephyr. Zephyr was known to be doing pretty well on recruiting qualified candidates from college seven years ago. However, this year, the number of recruited candidates has severely declined. The argument suggests that the recruiting efforts of Zephyr needs to be revamped without evaluating the performance of the company for the past seven years.

The argument fails to identify the reason for such a change in the recruitment habit. Zephyr might have now shifted its focus on hiring experienced candidates than fresh graduates or the company might not be planning to expand due to financial, technical or logistical reasons. In each of these cases the number of fresh recruited graduates will decline. Hence, concluding that recruitment efforts are responsible for the scenario is not correct.

The argument further concludes that Zephyr should suspend its current campus recruitment efforts and instead hire social media consultants. However,this might not prove to be the solution as it is uncertain which circumstances have brought such a recruiting scenario for Zephyr.In addition, the costs involved in hiring social media consultants is not known.
It is just a belief that the recruiting scenario will improve after hiring social media consultants but nothing can be concluded about the policies and plans over which Zephyr is operating.Hence, the conclusion does not stand with the argument as it lacks the complete analysis of Zephyr's current and future plans.
Its do or die this time!
Practise, practise and practise.

User avatar
Newbie | Next Rank: 10 Posts
Posts: 1
Joined: Tue May 19, 2015 2:24 pm

by andrewjohnsonwin » Tue May 19, 2015 2:28 pm
I will rate it as a 3.5. Your arguments need to be expanded and the limitations of the author's argument more thoroughly discussed.

GMAT/MBA Expert

User avatar
Master | Next Rank: 500 Posts
Posts: 205
Joined: Wed Jan 21, 2015 7:02 pm
Location: New York, NY
Thanked: 57 times
Followed by:26 members

by Katharine@GMATPrepNow » Wed May 20, 2015 4:36 pm
Hello spartacus1412,

You have a few good points, but you'll need to add length to get a top score.

Writing: Pay attention to the spaces after punctuation marks (look at your final paragraph for some examples). Otherwise there were no major writing errors that I noticed.

Structure: Your intro restated the author's argument, which is great. The conclusion still needs another sentence to round it out. Try to build up to a full five paragraph essay if it's possible. If there isn't enough time for that, at least aim for two strong body paragraphs.

Arguments/Examples: You found a few good reasons to doubt the author's argument, but I think that you need to build out those ideas more. You have the beginnings of strong body paragraphs, which is a reasonable start for AWA prep.

Suggestions for Improvement: Try to budget your time so you'll be able to finish at least two well-developed body paragraphs. I agree with the previous comment and think that this essay would get close to a three, but you should be able to build that score up with more practice.

Please let me know if you have other questions.

Katharine
Katharine Rudzitis - BA
on hiatus until further notice
We have plans to suit every learning style and budget:
- Self-directed video course
- Private online tutoring from 99th-percentile experts
- Combination packages with video course & private tutoring
- Every plan includes 5 full-length practice tests
- Use our video course with Beat The GMAT's free 60-Day Study Guide
- We have dozens of free videos to try out before buying
Image