GMAT Essays (AWA)

Hi all!

First attempt at an AWA. Please let me know what you think!

The following appeared as part of a recommendation from the financial planning office to the administration of Fern
Valley University:

"In the past few years, Fern Valley University has suffered from a decline in both enrollments and admissions
applications. The reason can be discovered from our students, who most often cite poor teaching and inadequate
library resources as their chief sources of dissatisfaction with Fern Valley. Therefore, in order to increase the number
of students attending our university, and hence to regain our position as the most prestigious university in the greater
Fern Valley metropolitan area, it is necessary to initiate a fund-raising campaign among the alumni that will enable us
to expand the range of subjects we teach and to increase the size of our library facilities."
Discuss how well reasoned . . . etc.

The financial planning office recommends implementing fund-raising efforts to increase the size of the university's library facilities as well as its course catalogue. While Fern Valley may find it beneficial to respond to the feedback given by current students, the financial planning office's conclusion is poorly reasoned if the university is to improve its enrollment and admission rates. The financial planning office must also consider the larger environment to which the university belongs, as well as what prospective students desire.

It is important that the financial planning office remember to evaluate the higher education environment as a whole. An important question that the recommendation above fails to answer is whether similar declines are occurring at other universities in the area. If this is the case, there may larger factors pushing down enrollment and application rates down. For example, the area may be in an economic downturn, rendering the cost of higher education to high for the average family. Additionally, no mention has been made to increased competition in the area for recent high school graduates. A new business may have moved to the area providing prospective college students the opportunity to earn money now rather than investing in education. Questions of the health of the larger economic climate must first be addressed prior to accepting the financial planning office's recommendation as logically sound.

Additionally, it is a bit of a stretch for the university to base decisions on attracting new students off of current student feedback. A more effective approach would be to interview past prospective students who ended up seeking education elsewhere on why they made their choice. This would provide unaltered feedback as to what the university could do to retain similar students in the future.

The financial planning office has sought to improve its course catalogue and library facilities based off of faulty reasoning. As a result it is possible that they will not see the desired increase in student applications and enrollment. In order to improve these two metrics, the macroeconomic environment as a whole must be evaluated in order to rule out larger economic forces impacting enrollment and applications. Additionally, the university should seek feedback from past students who ended up seeking education elsewhere. This approach will allow the financial planning office to create a more soundly reasoned recommendation than the one presented above.

Thank you Katharine! I will be sure to work on more clearly developing my ideas in my body paragraphs!