GMAT Essays (AWA)

Parents, if you need a summer camp for your children look no further than Federville Farms. In a recent survey, Federville Farms ranked first in both overall camper satisfaction and in food quality, and second in the variety of outdoor activities. Federville Farms has been family owned and operated for over forty years, so you have nothing to worry about when it comes to your child's safety, and it employs more Red Cross certified lifeguards than any other camp in the state. If you seek the best camp experience for your children, Federville Farms is the best choice you can make.

Discuss how well reasoned

Hi experts,
Please review my essay.

The argument that Federville Farms is the best camp for children because it ranked first in camper satisfaction, food quality and outdoor activities is flawed. The author doesn't provide enough conclusive evidence to support his claim that children would be both entertained and safe here.

First, the author mentions that Federville Farms ranked first in camper satisfaction, food quality and outdoor activities. However, he doesn't mention whether the survey was made among children, teenagers or adults. If the respondents were grown-up people, their preferences might not necessarily be suitable for children. For example, adults might like spicy and fatty food prepared on the premises of the camp, consequently giving it a high mark in the survey. This food however would not be appreciated by parents who send their children camping.

Secondly, the author doesn't state whether camper satisfaction, food quality and outdoor activities are the most important criteria in choosing a camp for children. Undoubtedly these things are important, but what about quality of education, proximity to home, good climate? Without stating what are the most important factors when deciding to send your child to a camp, it's pointless to stress the importance of some of them.

Finally, the author assumes that the camp is safe due to the presence of many lifeguards. Conversely, the abundance of lifeguards might be an indication that there are safety problems on the camp's premises. For example, many children can fall in to the nearby lake because there are no protection fences built around the camp.

In conclusion, the argument that parents should choose Federville Farms is flawed because the author doesn't clearly explain what are the advantages of the camp for children. The author should enumerate the most important factors in choosing a camp for children and then present conclusive data that Federville Farms ranks first in them. Also, the author should provide data about the rate of children injuries in Federville versus other camps.

Hi Katharine,

Would you mind offering some suggestions on how I can improve as well? My exam date just got moved up so getting quite nervous. This is my first AWA attempt. Thanks in advance!

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The article reviewing summer camps for children advertises Federville Farms as the best camp experience available. At first glance, Federville Farms seems to have many admirable assets that would be appealing to parents - a first-place survey ranking in camper satisfaction and food quality, a range of outdoor activities, a large employ of Red Cross certified lifeguards, and a marketing-friendly designation of being family owned and operated. However, the conclusion that Federville Farms is the "best camp experience" for children is hampered by the questionable link between its family-owned and operated status and safety and faulty assumption that satisfaction, food quality, outdoor activities, and safety are ingredients for the best camp experience.

To support its conclusion that Federville Farms is the best camp experience for children, the article draws an unclear link between Federville Farms being a family-owned and operated business and its employment of the largest number of Red Cross certified lifeguards in the state to the safety of camp children. The first piece of evidence, that Federville Farms is a family-owned and operated business, is a standalone observation that has no impact on the safety of children; a family owned and operated business can be negligent in keeping the camp grounds clear of dangerous equipment or cabins up to state and federal living standards. The second piece of evidence, that Federville Farms employs the largest number of Red Cross certified lifeguards than any other camp in the state, is likely to affect the safety of children only near water. However, if Federville is ranked second in the variety of outdoor activities, children who attend the camp will very likely be involved in non-water sports and recreational activities. The article's mentioning of only lifeguards as a safety measure and its family owned and operated status does not strongly support its conclusion that parents do not have to worry about the safety of their children at Federville Farms.

Perhaps most importantly, the overall assumption which underlies the conclusion of the article is that the best camp experience of children is determined by a few things - high "overall camper satisfaction" and food quality, variety of outdoor activities, and the safety of the camp. However, aforementioned assumption does not take into consideration the needs of the individual child nor the circumstances which make summer camps a unique experience for each person. A five-year old girl interested in arts and crafts will have very different experiences at the same camp as a thirteen year old boy who enjoys rock-climbing and fishing. Thus, the factors which are mentioned in the article cannot be the only ones that determine the best camp experience as each "best" experience is different for each child.

The survey ratings and claims of safety mentioned by the article may portray Federville Farms in a positive light but should not be the only factors considered when parents evaluate the best camp experience for their children. In addition, the link between a "family owned and operated" business and the number of Red Cross lifeguards to the overall safety of children should be heavily questioned before any camp enrollment decision is made. The article attempts to portray Federville Farms in an exceedingly positive light, but additional evidence and introspection is needed before the article's conclusion can be taken seriously.

Thanks very much! I'll definitely keep your suggestions in mind.

The following appeared as part of an article reviewing summer camps for children.
Parents, if you need a summer camp for your children look no further than Federville Farms. In a recent survey, Federville Farms ranked first in both overall camper satisfaction and in food quality, and second in the variety of outdoor activities. Federville Farms has been family owned and operated for over forty years, so you have nothing to worry about when it comes to your child's safety, and it employs more Red Cross certified lifeguards than any other camp in the state. If you seek the best camp experience for your children, Federville Farms is the best choice you can make.
Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. In your discussion be sure to analyze the line of reasoning and the use of evidence in the argument. For example, you may need to consider what questionable assumptions underlie the thinking and what alternative explanations or counterexamples might weaken the conclusion. You can also discuss what sort of evidence would strengthen or refute the argument, what changes in the argument would make it more logically sound, and what, if anything, would help you better evaluate its conclusion.

My response:

The argument states that Federville is the best summer camp that a parent can send their child to. It is based on a survey which ranks Federville first in both overall camper satisfaction and food quality, and second in the variety of outdoor activities. It also tells claims that Federvilla is very secure as it is family owned, over forty years old, and employs more Red Cross certified lifeguards than any other camp in the state. The argument out forth by the author is weak as the survey on which it is based may be rife with inaccuracy. The other supporting evidence does not guarantee that the conclusion made by the author.
First of all, we consider the survey that the author states as evidence in his argument. It states that Federville ranks first in overall camper satisfaction and food quality, and second in the variety of outdoor activities. We know nothing of the circumstances under which this survey was done, therefore, it would be wrong to consider the ranking given by the survey as a reliable source of information. For instance, the sample size of the survey could have been too small, and thus, the result would be inconclusive. Moreover, the people who were surveyed could consist primarily of people who are biased toward Federville Farms. For instance, the group surveyed could have been a bunch of kids that have only gone for Federville camps. We don't even know if the survey has been tampered with. It is not uncommon to find rankings that a company or institution pays for to be given a hig rank.
Also, the author says that since Federville is family owned and over forty years old, the camp is very secure. However, the basis on which the conclusion follows is unclear and not obvious. But still, there may be older camps than Federville.
The argument only says the that Federville has more Red Cross certified guards than any other camps in the state. But what of camps outside that state? Also, Federville may be the only camp in that state and thus the claim meaningless.