Please review my essay! (Re-elect Adams!)

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The following appeared as a part of an advertisement for Adams, who is seeking reelection as governor.
"Re-elect Adams, and you will be voting for proven leadership in improving the state's economy. Over the past year alone, seventy percent of the state's workers have had increases in their wages, five thousand new jobs have been created, and six corporations have located their headquarters here. Most of the respondents in a recent poll said they believed that the economy is likely to continue to improve if Adams is reelected. Adams's opponent, Zebulon, would lead our state in the wrong direction, because Zebulon disagrees with many of Adams's economic policies."
Discuss how well reasoned... etc.



The advertisement for Adams argues that reelcting him as governor will guarantee the leadership in improving the state's economy. However, the argument relies on several unsupported assumptions and fails to be persuasive.

First of all, the author assumes that the recent improvements in the state's economy are attributed to Adam's effort. But the writer provides no evidence how Adam actually contributed to them. In fact, it might be the case that all of the recent improvements were made thanks to another candidate or by coincidence when he was the governor of the state.

In addition, the author uses the recent poll which said that the most of the respondents believe the economy will continue to improve if Adams is reelected. However, this supports nothing more than that "some people think" Adams will help to improve the economy. It lacks to further support why Adams should be reelected and he will help the economy to get better. Perhaps, the respondents of the survey are numbered among Adam's constituency or close friends who are very likely to vote for him.

Lastly, the advertisement is rooted in a flawed assumption that Adams's economic policies are what best work for the state's economy and the disagreement with them will lead to the wrong direction. The author provides no explanation or evidence why Adams's policies are preferable and not agreeing with them are wrong.

In order to strengthen the argument and support Adams, the author should provide research or the real numbers that can prove how Adams has contributed to the state's economy over the past year. Also, the author can show that the respondents of the recent poll which was in favor of Adams consist of a number of people from various backgrounds and political preferences. Moreover, the author should explain more about the Adams's policies why they are recommended and the disagreement with them should be discouraged. If the author can include the evidence recommended to bolster his argument, his advertisement for Adams will sound more persuasive.

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Thank you a lot for reviewing my essay!!!!!

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by Katharine@GMATPrepNow » Thu Mar 12, 2015 11:17 am
Hello gettingwanderlust,

Writing: Reelecting, not reelcting. The person seeking reelection is named Adams, so you mean "Adams'" instead of "Adam's" when you talk about his effort. I think you mean "fails to further support" instead of "lacks to further support" near the end. There were very few errors in this essay compared to your previous responses!

Structure/Arguments/Examples: The essay overall was more concise, which I think is a good thing. Your body paragraphs were well-organized and addressed different sides of the argument. I liked the conclusion and your ideas to strengthen the argument.

Suggestions for Improvement: I don't think that this essay would lose points for the few errors, so I'd give it full marks. You should review other areas of the exam now, if you feel comfortable. Great job persevering with your test prep!
Katharine Rudzitis - BA
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