GMAT Essays (AWA)

Hi everyone! I was wondering if you could give me advice on my first AWA? Just trying to see how much I might have to prep for this vs. other sections of the test.

I had some questions >

(1) Is 6 paragraphs too many?
(2) Are the examples I used (counterexamples, really) strong enough, or is there a way to make them more compelling?

THANKS MUCH in advance!

jcw

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PROMPT

The following appeared in a memo from the regional manager of Luxe Spa, a chain of high-end salons.

Over 75% of households in Parksboro have Jacuzzi bathtubs. In addition, the average family income in Parksboro is 50 % higher than the national average, and a local store reports record-high sales of the most costly brands of hair and body care products. With so much being spent on personal care, Parksboro will be a profitable location for new Luxe Spa - a Salon that offers premium serivces at prices that are above average.

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RESPONSE:

The argument states that the installation of a new Luxe spa in the town of Parksboro will be profitable due to a few pieces of evidence that the writer offers about Parksboro and the surrounding area. However, stated in this way, this argument lacks several key factors upon which it should be evaluated. The argument rests upon assumptions for which there is little evidence. As such, the argument is weak and needs to be re-examined.

This argument heavily relies on the assumption that the percent of households in Parksboro that have Jacuzzi bathtubs is directly correlated with the preferences of the town for high-end spa goods. However, this assumption is flawed. For example, it could be that the developers who built most of the houses in the town preferred to install these types of tubs as opposed to other types, and as such, the tubs' presence has little to with the preferences of the household owners. Furthermore, the inclusion of this statistic without offering any point of reference does not serve to strengthen the argument. For example, if the national rate of households with Jacuzzi bathtubs is 90%, then this town actually has fewer of these tubs than average. Such a statistic would only serve to weaken the conclusion presented.

Second, the argument claims that people who make more money have more money to spend on luxury spa products and services. While people in this town make 50% more than the national average, it could be the case that their cost of living is 50% higher on average than the national average as well, and therefore might not have any additional income to spend on luxury goods compared to the rest of the population. Without presenting any sort of information regarding the wealth levels and spending habits of the population of Parksboro, the argument does not offer compelling reason to believe that these citizens will automatically be inclined to spend money at a new Luxe Spa.

Third, the argument makes the assumption that the performance of costly beauty products in a local store will immediately translate to success of a new Luxe Spa. The argument provides no information, however, regarding what this record-breaking sales entails. If these beauty products were generating $100 a month and broke this record with a $300 month, then little evidence exists to show that the demand for beauty supplies is rising fast and should be capitalized upon.

Lastly, the argument's conclusion states that this new Luxe spa should be opened based on the evidence presented. However, with limited compelling evidence that rests on weak assumptions, the argument falls short of being convincing. In order to strengthen the argument, the author would need to provide more information regarding the town's preferences for luxury goods, spending habits, and level of discretionary income. Furthermore, the author could do a much deeper analysis into what the beauty product and spa treatment landscape already looks like in this town: it could be the case that there are already 3 spas in the town and competition could be very stiff.

In summary, the argument that a Luxe spa/salon should be opened in the town of Parksboro is based on flawed assumptions. The argument could be considerably strengthened if the author paid more attention to the current preference of the town for spa treatments, as well as the current spa marketplace in the town. Without offering complete evidence, the conclusion offered by this argument cannot be legitimized.

Thank you Katharine! This was very helpful. You rock!

Yes, I did write this in 30 minutes. I am a pretty fast typer

I will note your recommendations to simplify my syntax.

Have a great day!

- jcw