Looking for feedback on my essay!

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Looking for feedback on my essay!

by Schubi » Wed Oct 08, 2014 10:23 pm
Thanks in advance!

The following appeared as part of an article in the business section of a local newspaper:

"Motorcycle X has been manufactured in the United States for more than 70 years. Although one foreign company has copied the motorcycle and is selling it for less, the company has failed to attract motorcycle X customers-some say because its product lacks the exceptionally loud noise made by motorcycle X. But there must be some other explanation. After all, foreign cars tend to be quieter than similar American-made cars, but they sell at least as well. Also, television advertisements for motorcycle X highlight its durability and sleek lines, not its noisiness, and the ads typically have voice-overs or rock music rather than engine-roar on the sound track."

Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. In your discussion be sure to analyze the line of reasoning and the use of evidence in the argument. For example, you may need to consider what questionable assumptions underlie the thinking and what alternative explanations or counterexamples might weaken the conclusion. You can also discuss what sort of evidence would strengthen or refute the argument, what changes in the argument would make it more logically sound, and what, if anything, would help you better evaluate its conclusion.


The purchase of a motorcycle is as every other purchase a question of preference. There are those who like an exceptional loud noise and those who do not, those who look for a high quality product and those who care more about the price, and those who prefer domestic motorcycles over foreign motorcycles. In the preceeding argument the author claims that there must be some other reason then the exceptionally loud noise of motorcycle x why customers prefer the original motorcycle x over the copy. Though his claim may well have merit, the author presents a poorly reasoned argument, based on several questionable premises and assumptions, and based solely on the evidence the author offers, we cannot accepts this argument as valid.

The primary issue with the author´s reasoning lies in his unsubstantiated premises. To support his point the author states that the television advertisements for motorcycle X do not highlight the noisiness of the motorcycle and typically have voice overs on the soundtrack, but there is no clear evidence, that it is not possible to hear the noisiness of the motorcycle at all in the advertisement or that even though its typically to have voice over soundtracks there might be also some advertisements for motorcycle X which have the engine roaring as the soundtrack of the advertisement. The author´s premises, the basis of his argument, lack any legitimate support and render his conclusion unacceptable.

In addition the author makes several assumptions that remain unproven. The author points out an analogy between the preferences potential buyers have for cars and motorcycles, but is it really possible to assume that only because foreign cars which tend to be quieter then similar American-made cars, sell as good as American cars, the same thing is valid for Motorcycles? Moreover the author believes that only because the noisiness of a motorcycle is not to hear in the advertisement for the motorcyle, the engine roaring is not an important fact in the purchase decision at all. The author weakens his argument by making assumptions and failing to provide explication of the links between car and motorcycle purchases and the importance of the advertisement in the buying decision.

In sum the auhtor´s illogical argument is based on unsupported premises and unsubstantiated assumptions that render his conlusion invalid. If the author truly hopes to change his readers minds on the issues, he would have to largely restructure his argument, fix the flaws in his logic, clearly explicate his assumptions, and provide evidentiary support, Without these things, his poorly reasoned argument will likely convince few people.

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by brianlange77 » Fri Oct 10, 2014 7:06 pm
I think this is 'okay', but offers some basic opportunities for improvement. First paragraph has run on sentence, 'preceding' is spelled incorrectly, the last sentence is run-on, etc. The structure is good -- but you must pay attention to the detail.

Hope this helps. I would score this in the 3.5 range.

-Brian
Schubi wrote: The purchase of a motorcycle is as every other purchase a question of preference. There are those who like an exceptional loud noise and those who do not, those who look for a high quality product and those who care more about the price, and those who prefer domestic motorcycles over foreign motorcycles. In the preceeding argument the author claims that there must be some other reason then the exceptionally loud noise of motorcycle x why customers prefer the original motorcycle x over the copy. Though his claim may well have merit, the author presents a poorly reasoned argument, based on several questionable premises and assumptions, and based solely on the evidence the author offers, we cannot accepts this argument as valid.

The primary issue with the author´s reasoning lies in his unsubstantiated premises. To support his point the author states that the television advertisements for motorcycle X do not highlight the noisiness of the motorcycle and typically have voice overs on the soundtrack, but there is no clear evidence, that it is not possible to hear the noisiness of the motorcycle at all in the advertisement or that even though its typically to have voice over soundtracks there might be also some advertisements for motorcycle X which have the engine roaring as the soundtrack of the advertisement. The author´s premises, the basis of his argument, lack any legitimate support and render his conclusion unacceptable.

In addition the author makes several assumptions that remain unproven. The author points out an analogy between the preferences potential buyers have for cars and motorcycles, but is it really possible to assume that only because foreign cars which tend to be quieter then similar American-made cars, sell as good as American cars, the same thing is valid for Motorcycles? Moreover the author believes that only because the noisiness of a motorcycle is not to hear in the advertisement for the motorcyle, the engine roaring is not an important fact in the purchase decision at all. The author weakens his argument by making assumptions and failing to provide explication of the links between car and motorcycle purchases and the importance of the advertisement in the buying decision.

In sum the auhtor´s illogical argument is based on unsupported premises and unsubstantiated assumptions that render his conlusion invalid. If the author truly hopes to change his readers minds on the issues, he would have to largely restructure his argument, fix the flaws in his logic, clearly explicate his assumptions, and provide evidentiary support, Without these things, his poorly reasoned argument will likely convince few people.
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