GMAT Essays (AWA)

saranshpuri wrote:Hi

Please evaluate my essay and let me know for any improvement.

Since a competing lower-priced newspaper, The Bugle, was started five years ago, The Mercury's circulation has declined by 10,000 readers. The best way to get more people to read The Mercury is to reduce its price below that of The Bugle, at least until circulation increases to former levels. The increased circulation of The Mercury will attract more businesses to buy advertising space in the paper."

In the Preceding Statement, Author States that Mercury Newspaper needs to reduce its price below that of the Bugle. Author Conclusion is based on two reasons : First , Author Cites Decline in Mercury circulation since the start of competing lower priced newspaper, The Bugle , five years ago. Second, the author believes that the mercury will attract more businesses to buy advertising space in the paper. Though Author claims have some merit, the author presents a several questionable premises and assumptions, and based solely on the evidence author offers , we cannot accept the argument as valid.
The Primary Issue with author reasoning lies in his unsubstantiated premises . Author fails to establish the Cause - Effect relationship between Price and Newspaper Circulation . Stastic Correlation between price and newspaper circulation does not means one causes the other. THE authors premises , the basis for his argument , lack any legitimate evidentiary support and render his conclusion unacceptable.
In Addition , Author makes several assumption that remain unproven . First , Author Assumes that Price is the only factor that has led to decline in circulation. However, there might be other factors, such as content and demography of the population, that could affect the circulation of the mercury newspaper. Moreover, Excessive Promotion of the Bulge's low cost newspaper might affect the circulation of the Mercury Newspaper in significant way. Second, Author Assumes that increased circulation will attract more business to buy advertising space in the paper and thus compensates for reduction in price. However, this assumption must be supported with thorough cost benefits analysis between price reduction and increase in advertisement in the newspaper.
In Sum, Author Argument is based on unsupported premises and unsubstantiated assumptions that render his conclusion invalid. To Strengthen the Argument , Author must provide evidence to support the cause and effect relationship between price and circulation. Author needs to provide evidence to rule out any other factors that could affect the circulation Author also need to demonstrate the thorough cost benefit analysis to support the questionable assumptions