please evaluate my essay

guest4 · Guest Target GMAT Score: 701

Hi THis is my first practice essay. Please evaluate.

ANALYSIS OF AN ISSUE
“It is unrealistic to expect individual nations to make, independently, the sacrifices necessary to conserve energy. International leadership and worldwide cooperation are essential if we expect to protect the world’s energy resources for future generations.”
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To say that it is unrealistic to expect individual nations to make sacrifices independently to conserve energy while international leadership and worldwide cooperation will achieve this, is skeptical. My opinion is that much more can be achieved when every nation becomes accountable to its energy consumption and makes necessary amendments to its practices.

Although International intervention may be required to an extent in considering measures that nations can take together to conserve energy, one must not rule out that every nation’s consumption of energy varies at extreme levels based on several factors such as – population, rate of industrial growth, power of legislation in industries, economy and so on.

Consider a simple example of oil consumption by vehicles of transport. It would be appropriate to introduce electric vehicles as they conserve energy and are lighter pollutants. But the feasibility of the use of this depends on the customer’s financial availability. This may not be the most affordable solution in certain countries as the price of such vehicles may go higher making it an unrealistic dream for a middle class family.

Though some may cite that nuclear energy is an efficient provider of energy, advantageous for economic growth, producing lower risks to the environment and conserving other forms of energy, there are risks far beyond the pros. However globally more nations it are turning to nuclear power ultimately leading to a greater demand for uranium which is scarce and more nuclear waste which is harmful. This may be more harmful to the future generation than the conservation of all other energy sources.

To conclude, I would say that every nation defers in its energy consumption (type of energy, quantity) and hence it is absolutely possible for them to act individually in conserving energy that it consumes the most, and this can make a great impact to the world’s energy resources which we want to preserve for our future generations.

pahwa · Posted: Mon Nov 05, 2007 8:37 pm Post subject:

to an extent in considering......isnt THAT missing?

Organzation of Ideas is good. Please check for grammer.
Else, the essay is superb.

guest4 · Guest Target GMAT Score: 701

thanks for the feedback.. could you elaborate more on what you meant.. and probably point out my grammar mistakes too so that icould correct them..
thanks again...