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Pls rate my essay - Test in 1 week

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ananthas75 Newbie | Next Rank: 10 Posts Default Avatar
Joined
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Posted:
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Pls rate my essay - Test in 1 week

Post Fri Aug 08, 2008 6:37 am
Elapsed Time: 00:00
  • Lap #[LAPCOUNT] ([LAPTIME])
    Topic : "Financial gain should be the most important factor in choosing a career"

    The argument topic states that financial gain should be the most important factor in choosing a career. In this essay, I would like to state the reasons to think otherwise. While I do agree that financial gain is necessary in choosing a career, I disagree in the statement that it is the most important factor. Firstly, financial gains come with trade-offs. Secondly, we miss our calling in life

    Some of the reasons for a job that offers a huge salary can be as follows,
    a) It comes with more risk
    b) It requires more of your time
    c) It requires some sacrifices which few are ready to make

    All the above mentioned reasons will require you to stretch yourself beyond the normal working norms. It requires you to clock more working hours making you to miss quality time with family, frequent travels away from home making you miss some important family events, stressful life style leading to unhealthy eating practices. Thought in a short span you may earn more, you may end up spending more money towards your health care, alimony.

    Let's look at some of the big names from the history. Those are the ones who would have yielded their lives to their calling. In other words they did what brought them huge job satisfaction. Van Gogh the father of modern arts is not remembered for the amount of money he made using his paints. Mother Teresa is remembered for the works she did among the children, sick and older people in the streets of Calcutta. These are the men or women who had lived their life to the fullest because of following their calling.

    In my conclusion, I would like to state that looking at financial goals as the main reason to choose a career will make one miss the big picture in his life and these are the ones most likely will lose more than what they had gained.

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    VP_Jim GMAT Instructor Default Avatar
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    Post Sun Aug 10, 2008 9:59 am
    Not bad, but a couple things:

    1. Avoid writing lists. Keep your essay in sentence/paragraph form.

    2. Try to write more. It's sad but true: longer essays score better. Aim for an intro, three body paragraphs, and a conclusion.

    3. Make sure you back up all your points with examples. You cited Mother Theresa in one paragraph - that's the right approach. Aim for one example in every paragraph.

    4. Try not to use first person pronouns (I/me/my). This isn't a major concern but it's generally good writing to avoid these words.

    I'll give you a 3 or 4.

    _________________
    Jim S. | GMAT Instructor | Veritas Prep

    ananthas75 Newbie | Next Rank: 10 Posts Default Avatar
    Joined
    29 Jun 2008
    Posted:
    9 messages
    Post Tue Aug 12, 2008 11:07 pm
    Thank you for the suggestion.

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