Please score my essay and tell score b/w 1-6

This topic has expert replies
User avatar
Master | Next Rank: 500 Posts
Posts: 145
Joined: Sun Mar 15, 2015 7:27 am
Thanked: 2 times
Followed by:1 members
The following appeared in a memorandum from the vice president of Gigantis, a development company that builds
and leases retail store facilities:
"Nationwide over the past five years, sales have increased significantly at outlet stores that deal exclusively in reduced-price merchandise. Therefore, we should publicize the new mall that we are building at Pleasantville as a central location for outlet shopping and rent store space only to outlet companies. By taking advantage of the success of outlet stores, this plan should help ensure full occupancy of the mall and enable us to recover quickly the costs of building the mall."

AWA

The argument above that the author should publicize his mall as a central location for retail outlets to ensure that it is occupied fully is flawed. The argument considers that things do not change over the period and also that all things will have the same effect . The argument considers that only one phenomenon can work and does not allow room for other phenomenons .

Firstly, the author does not describe what kind of city is Pleasantville. It is possible that it is a city where mostly the rich people live and that they would not choose cheap merchandise at all. The rich people may not even bother to walk into the retail stores and would rather prefer choosing merchandise online. In this case, the outlets may not bother to open at that location at all and thus the occupancy target will not be met. Also ,it is possible that even if they open ,they will be forced to leave sooner rather than later and thus mall would still be unoccupied.

Secondly, the argument does not mention anything about the current level of competition in the cheap retail market. If this phenomenon has been occurring since five years than there is possibility of healthy competition . In that case, it is possible that at the moment it has saturated and thus there is less likely hood of profitability in cheap retail merchandise. Thus, there would be less applicants for retail outlets whom the Gigantis is targeting .

Thirdly, the argument does not mention anything about the maintenance of the mall. It is possible that Pleasantville might be a good place to open the mall and the initial costs are low but it is possible that operating costs will be high in the near future due to lack of basic services. A mall needs supply of electricity ,water,security and many more things. These services might cost them a lot as unavailability of water,electricity will have to be substituted with expensive alternatives . Thus ,lack of basic services will cut into the profitability of mall.

The author has not given a thought to alternatives and the possibilities of losses occurring if things don't go as planned. The author has written the argument based on only one possibility and that is profit. The author has not given any thought about the possibilities of things not going as planned.

GMAT/MBA Expert

User avatar
Master | Next Rank: 500 Posts
Posts: 205
Joined: Wed Jan 21, 2015 7:02 pm
Location: New York, NY
Thanked: 57 times
Followed by:26 members

by Katharine@GMATPrepNow » Mon Mar 30, 2015 2:23 pm
Hello src_saurav,

My advice from your last post was to reduce the punctuation errors. There are still a few errors, but not as much as in previous responses.

Writing: Keep looking for punctuation errors when you read over your essay before submitting. There are some awkward phrases, including "would rather prefer choosing merchandise." You use the same phrase twice in your conclusion ("the author has not given any thought"), which should be fixed. All three of your final sentences sound the same, so try to mix them up a little.

Structure: The intro/conclusion have gotten better and now summarize the author's argument right away. Your body paragraphs all seemed fine.

Arguments/Examples: You showed several examples of flaws in the argument, including how the author has not considered which customers would visit the mall, the competition or lack thereof in the area, and the costs. I thought you did a great job of picking this argument apart.

Suggestions for Improvement: You've made a lot of progress by writing these practice essays. If you feel comfortable, I'd recommend moving on to studying other areas of the exam. There are no major flaws in this essay, and you've shown that you can come up with examples and write strong intros/conclusions for your arguments. If you have other specific questions, please let me know.
Katharine Rudzitis - BA
on hiatus until further notice
We have plans to suit every learning style and budget:
- Self-directed video course
- Private online tutoring from 99th-percentile experts
- Combination packages with video course & private tutoring
- Every plan includes 5 full-length practice tests
- Use our video course with Beat The GMAT's free 60-Day Study Guide
- We have dozens of free videos to try out before buying
Image