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## Please review my essay and provide feedback

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conquistador Master | Next Rank: 500 Posts
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#### Please review my essay and provide feedback

Wed Jul 06, 2016 8:07 am
Candidate: Our city's students have suffered long enough. Over the mayor's four years in office, our district's math and science scores have hovered well below the national average, even while our average teacher's salary has increased. Our student-per-class ratio is laughable, yet he has made no progress on building a new school. He simply cannot be trusted with our children's future; if you care about education, I am the only candidate you can support.

Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. In your discussion be sure to analyze the line of reasoning and the use of evidence in the argument. For example, you may need to consider what questionable assumptions underlie the thinking and what alternative explanations or counterexamples might weaken the conclusion. You can also discuss what sort of evidence would strengthen or refute the argument, what changes in the argument would make it more logically sound, and what, if anything, would help you better evaluate its conclusion.

The Mayor candidate argues that the city's students are suffering because the current mayor could not make any progress on building a new school. He opines the students suffering can be related to the their scores in maths and science. So he asserts himself as a better candidate than the current one. But the argument made by the author contains the following logical fallacies.

Primarily, author's information that Math and science scores have gone below average even while teachers salary increased does not say anything clearly. Increase in teachers salary seemingly indicates that Mayor facilitated the teachers or staff with proper income so that they do not suffer economically. In such scenario teachers should be able to work without any inhibition and with additional energy, but instead lower than below average scores may have some other reason. It is possible that there is no proper experienced staff in that city to handle those subjects or there might be any other reason. Linking mayor's capability to students scores may not be pragmatic enough to address the issue.

Moreover, the author says that even though the students are more, new school has not been built by the mayor. There is no other information as to whether city has sufficient funds, location or site, climatic conditions and other resources necessary for new school construction. We need much more information regarding the current standard of the existing schools and whether new school can increase the students education standards, reflecting through scores.

The author also gives no further information regarding the measures that will be undertaken by him once he gets elected. He did not provide or reveal his agenda as to how he will deal with issue in a better way than the current Mayor. He needs to make an inquiry or survey to know the reasons behind the students low scores and factors behind them. It is only possible to solve the issues by analyzing them with proper data. The current argument as is simply unacceptable without further information.

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