GMAT Essays (AWA)

Argument:
The following appeared in a report presented for discussion at a meeting of the directors of a company that manufactures parts for heavy machinery:

"The falling revenues that the company is experiencing coincide with delays in manufacturing. These delays, in turn, are due in large part to poor planning in purchasing metals. Consider further that the manager of the department that handles purchasing of raw materials has an excellent background in general business, psychology, and sociology, but knows little about the properties of metals. The company should, therefore, move the purchasing manager to the sales department and bring in a scientist from the research division to be manager of the purchasing department."

Analysis:
The argument states that the company is experiencing delays in manufacturing because of poor planning in purchasing metals. The manager who is handling purchasing has an excellent background in general business, psychology and sociology and because he has no knowledge about properties of metal, he should be replaced by a scientist which will solve the problem. The argument is poorly reasoned, based on several questionable premises and assumptions, and based solely on the evidence that argument states, we cannot accept it as valid.

The primary issue in the arguments reasons lies in its unsubstantiated premises. The reason that the revenues are falling because they are coinciding in delays in manufacturing is not true because products are sold whether there is delay in manufacturing or not, if a person has to buy the product he will even wait for some time. Also, the knowledge of properties of metals is not related to the poor planning in purchasing metals and bringing in the scientist and moving the purchase manager to sales department may not solve the problem. The stated premises, the basis for the argument, lack any legitimate evidentiary support, and render its conclusion unacceptable.

In, addition the author makes several assumption that remain unproven. Firstly, the reason behind the falling revenues of the company may be different, and the assumption that they coincide with the delays in manufacturing is not to be considered as the only reason for loss to the company. Secondly, the manager has an excellent background but to assume that since he has little knowledge of properties of metals is the reason for poor planning in purchasing metals is absurd. Thirdly, moving the purchase manager to sales department and replacing him by a scientist from the research division because the scientist knows more about properties of metal is not going to solve the problem, and on the other hand it is also possible that it may increase the problems in the sales department as well as the research department. The argument is weakened by failing to provide explication of links between the falling revenue and delay is manufacturing due to purchasing metals.

In sum, the argument fails to state the reason for the relation made between falling revenues and delay in manufacturing. Furthermore, the change of purchase manager due to one factor and replacement with a scientist for a field about which scientist may be unaware may not solve the problem. If the argument hopes to change the readers mind on the issue, it would have to largely restructure, fix the flaws in the logic, clearly explicate the assumptions and provide evidentiary support. Without these things this poorly reasoned argument will likely convince few people.

Hi Architj,

I think you've done a good job of following a template that includes an intro paragraph, two supporting paragraphs and a conclusion. However, here are some things you should consider taking another look at:

First paragraph:
The argument you make here is actually based on a bit of an assumption on your part. Without much data to support the argument that the product will sell, even if a consumer has to wait for it, it falls a bit flat. If you have specific examples of a particular product that sold well, even with a production delay, I'd strongly suggest discussing it to support this argument.

Second paragraph:
Again, you're making a few assumptions here that don't completely support your argument. Especially consider this sentence: "Secondly, the manager has an excellent background but to assume that since he has little knowledge of properties of metals is the reason for poor planning in purchasing metals is absurd." If there were more supporting examples (even outside of this passage) that gave more weight to this statement, you would come across as considerably more authoritative. Be careful not to try disproving assumptions by making assumptions of your own.

Conclusion:
It's nice to see you're using this paragraph to restate your position. However, until your arguments are better supported, your concluding paragraph will fall a bit flat.

Grammar:
Some of your sentences are very long, which can lead to run-on sentences and unclear statements if you're not careful. When in doubt, don't be afraid to separate arguments/thoughts into shorter, but clearer sentences.

Happy to elaborate further if you'd like.

Best,
Rich

Thanks for your help. I wanted to know is it ok if i dont use "the author" everywhere, as you can see i have not used in this AWA also. Also, should i add 1 more paragraph for strengthening the argument, or this much is suffcient?

Thanks,
Archit

I absolutely think it's wise not to use "the author" in every sentence. However, it's perfectly fine to judiciously refer back to the author when making your argument. As far as a third paragraph, I think if you strengthen the two here, you'd be in very good shape.

Best,
Rich