Please rate this on a scale of 0 to 6 and give me feedback

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asamanta Senior | Next Rank: 100 Posts Default Avatar
27 May 2008
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Please rate this on a scale of 0 to 6 and give me feedback

Post Wed Jun 04, 2008 11:33 pm
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    "In business, more than in any other social arena, men and women have learned how to share power effectively."

    Discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the opinion stated above and support your views with reason or examples from your own experience, observations or reading.

    "In business, more than in any other social arena, men and women have learned how to share power effectively." I disagree with this statement. I believe men and women have learned how to share power effectively in every field, be it business, politics, education, or even sports.

    First I would like to talk about the field of politics. For generations political partly leaders have been men and women. Women have not only been political party leaders but also people of high rank such as Indira Gandhi, Prime minister of India in the 1970's, and Benerazir Bhoto, Prime Minister of Pakistan in 1990's. It is critical for men and women to share power in the field of politics to ensure that their views and visions about the future are in congruence with the entire population, which generally consists of equal number of men and women.

    In the field of sports too, men and women share power very effectively. Formally, only men played cricket. But since December 1990, the International Cricket Council made it mandatory for every country that plays international cricket to have a women's team also represent the nation. Although I have stressed only on cricket tennis, golf and even wrestling have men and women sharing power equally and effectively.

    Thus in conclusion I would like to restate that although women have made a mark for themselves in the field of business, men and women share power in virtually every aspect of life.

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    VP_Jim GMAT Instructor Default Avatar
    01 May 2008
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    Post Sun Jun 15, 2008 8:45 pm
    Hi asamanta,

    First off, good job on the use of concrete examples, as well as proofreading for errors.

    I would recommend including a third example (and supporting it, of course) to give more substance to your essay. Also, try to avoid using first person pronouns, even though that does make writing this essay a little more difficult.

    I would give this essay a 4, but you are on the right track! Good luck, and hope this helps!

    Jim S. | GMAT Instructor | Veritas Prep

    Thanked by: asamanta

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