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Please rate/provide feedback for my essay

This topic has 1 member reply
JeffHauptschein1 Newbie | Next Rank: 10 Posts
Joined
16 Sep 2017
Posted:
2 messages

Please rate/provide feedback for my essay

Post Tue Oct 24, 2017 4:40 pm
Elapsed Time: 00:00
  • Lap #[LAPCOUNT] ([LAPTIME])
    PROMPT:
    The following appeared in a letter from a part-owner of a small retail clothing chain to her business partner:
    “Commercial real estate prices have been rising steadily in the Sandida Heights neighborhood for several years,
    while the prices in the adjacent neighborhood of Palm Grove have remained the same. It seems obvious, then, that a
    retail space in Sandida Heights must now be much more expensive than a similar space in Palm Grove, which was
    not the case several years ago. So, it appears that retail spaces in Sandida Heights are now overpriced relative to
    those in Palm Grove. Therefore, it would be in our financial interest to purchase a retail space in Palm Grove rather
    than in Sandida Heights.”
    Discuss how well reasoned . . . etc.

    MY ESSAY:

    The author claims that it is in their best financial interest to purchase retail space in Palm Groves as opposed to Sandida Heights. The author concludes this based on the premise that retail space in Sandida Heights is more expensive than that in Palm Grove because retail prices in Sandida Heights has risen steadily while retail prices in Palm Grove have remained stagnant over the past several years. The conclusion of the argument relies on assumptions for which there is no clear evidence. Hence, the argument is weak and contains several flaws.

    First, there is a flaw in the author’s assertion because there is no statistical proof to support the fact that retail in Palm Grove is a better buy. The author’s claim is a stretch because there are a number of possible scenarios, backed by numbers, that prove the statement wrong. For example, lets say that, several years ago, retail space in Sandida Heights was $100 per square foot and retail space in Palm Grove was $200 per square foot. All the author states is that retail space in Sandida Heights has increased steadily. If it has increased steadily for the past five years at a steady $10 per square foot per year, the retail space in Sandida Heights would still be less expensive than that of Palm Grove. This scenario is completely possible given the vague description of the steady price increase and would greatly weaken the author’s argument. In order to improve the argument, the author could provide statistical proof that would strengthen their argument such as showing how retail space prices in Palm Springs are at a level that is significantly lower than retail space in Sandida Heights.

    Additionally, another flaw in the author’s argument is the fact that they failed to include any other information that would support their claim that a real estate purchase is in the best financial interest of their business. The cost of retail space is not the only factor that goes into determining whether a neighborhood move is in the best financial interest of the company. For example, if the author’s statement is true, and retial space in Sandida Heights is overpriced relative to retail space in Palm Grove, their business may not do as well in Palm Grove as it may do in Sandida Heights. Palm Springs may be a town where consumer trends favor clothing sales via internet clothing chains rather than small retail clothing chains. In Sandida Heights, while they may be paying more for retail space, people may be more supportive of small retail clothing chains. Additionally, the sheer density of shoppers could be higher in Sandida Heights. This would lead to more sales volume, a clear financial preference of a retail store owner. In order to improve the argument, the author could include more detailed reasons why purchasing retails space in Palm Springs (aside from real estate) is in the company’s best interest.

    In conclusion, the argument is flawed for the above-mentioned reasons and is therefore unconvincing. It could be considerably strengthened if the author clearly mentioned all the relevant facts, limited their use of vague language, and included statistical information. Without this information, the argument may be proven wrong and open to debate.

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    Reaper19 Newbie | Next Rank: 10 Posts Default Avatar
    Joined
    01 Nov 2017
    Posted:
    6 messages
    Post Wed Nov 01, 2017 11:35 am
    Good!Very nice essay!

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