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## Please rate my essays - AWA

tagged by:

This topic has 1 member reply
singh_amit19 Junior | Next Rank: 30 Posts
Joined
06 Aug 2007
Posted:
14 messages

#### Please rate my essays - AWA

Fri Oct 19, 2007 11:23 am
Analysis of an argument: The following appeared in a memorandum from the
business department of the Apogee Company. "When the Apogee Company had
all its operations in one location, it was more profitable than it is today. Therefore
the Apogee Company should close down its field offices and conduct all its
operations from a single location. Such centralization would improve profitability
by cutting costs and helping the company maintain better supervision of all
employees."
Discuss how well reasoned... etc.
________________________________________

The conclusion that Apogee company can be more profitable by operating from a single location, which is based on assumptions in lack of justifiable evidences, is refutable.The assumption, based on the presented evidence that when Apogee company had all its operations in one location, It was more profitable, is the centralization kept the company profitable. The presented evidence is insufficient to make such an assumption. The argument is flawed for follwing few reasons.

Firstly, the argument does not take into consideration the reasons due to which Apogee company expaned to different locations. For example Apogee company might have to expan to reach to more customers in different locations in order to increase business and make more profit. The other reason for expansion could be quoted as Apogee company might have to expnad to decrease work load on one unit or location to stay profitable. In lack of such evidences the presented argument seems flawed.

Secondly, argument assumes the centralization could be a primary cause of profitability at the time when Apogee operated from single location, which is an insufficient evidence to make such an assumption. What if the size of Apogee company was not so big in terms of business and work load.

So, overall business would be easier to handle from one location. However, if argument would have considered comparing the size of busniesses & work load per location in the past and present while making the conslusion then argument would be more effective.

Conclusively, the argument that centralization is the main driver of profitability at Apogee company is based on flawed assumption in lack of necessary evidences and so refutable.
------------------------------------------------

Analysis of an issue: "It is unrealistic to expect individual nations to make, independently, the

sacrifices necessary to conserve energy. International leadership and worldwide cooperation are

essential if we expect to protect the world's energy resources for future generations."

Discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the opinion stated above. Support your

views with reasons and/or examples from your own experience, observations, or reading.
--------------------------------------------------
The passage states that the expectation from an individual to make independently sacrifices to conserve energy is unrealisitic and for such a cause International leadership and worldwide cooperation is required. In my personal opinion, individual efforts & sacrifices are required to voice such a cause and then only International leadership and worldwide cooperation can be gathered. I shall be presenting my views in favor of how realistic and necessary are the

individual scarificses are to conserve energy? Indviduals efforst and sacrifices are how necessary to voice a cause like energy conservation? If we take an example of group of energy conservationist & scientists from Netherlands, which is the on of the strong supporters of Kyoto Protocol at UN Conference on energy conservation. And such an intiative started in a small town, in Netherlands at very minute level when few energgy conservationists & scientists joined hands together to promote use of alternative energy sources, when they found decreasing availability available energy resources & plummeting prices of energy resources. The first attempt of the group was to replace their consumption of energy sources with alternative energy sources, which attracted people of that small town in Netherlands, which helped the group to voice their concern at National level.Finally the voice of that small group of conservationists & scientists reached the bueaurocrats and key people running the government. And thus, reached at international platform.

Another example could Al Gore, 2007 - Noble prize winner for peace. Al Gore, an environmentalist, whose individual efforts focused on energy conservationa which in effect will help in decreasing pollution. After being acknowledged for his efforts now the whole world talking about energy
conservation. So an individual efforts and sacrifices brought the world attention towards energy conservation.

So, consluively, the individual efforts and sacrifices are imperative in voicing the casue like energy conservation. And one who denies such an efforts & sacrifices are unrealistic should consider examples of Al Gore & that small Group from Netherlands who were successful in gathering
world cooperation & international leadership on one common cause.
---------------------------------------------------------------------------

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pahwa Community Manager
Joined
27 Feb 2007
Posted:
117 messages
9
Wed Oct 24, 2007 7:54 am
I need you to work extra hard on your sentence construction, spellings, and please make sure that there shoud be no capitals in the middle of a sentence.

Avoid use of words like Firstly, Secondly etc....no harm in using them. But, personally I find these words very childish way of writing. There are other ways of saying things.

Please organise your points well. Do not make simple sentence complex by adding extra commas, the way you have done in first paragraph of your argument.

For issue, please go through my personal blog for awa. The very first essay (issue) is the same topic. http://my-journey-to-mba-awa.blogspot.com/
just go through and pick the points you like and drop those you find unnecessary.
I am not saying my essay is better. I am just asking you to read and analyze for yourself. You will learn better.

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