Please, rate my essay - The following appeared in a memorand

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The following appeared in a memorandum issued by a large city's council on the arts:
"In a recent citywide poll, 15 percent more residents said that they watch television programs about the visual arts
than was the case in a poll conducted five years ago. During these past five years, the number of people visiting our
city's art museums has increased by a similar percentage. Since the corporate funding that supports public television,
where most of the visual arts programs appear, is now being threatened with severe cuts, we can expect that
attendance at our city's art museums will also start to decrease. Thus some of the city's funds for supporting the arts
should be reallocated to public television."
Discuss how well reasoned . . . etc.

In this argument the author states that some of city's funds that support arts should be directed to public television. This author's conclusion is based on following statements: he supposes that the popularity of TV programs of visual arts is proportional to the attendance of city's art museum. In addition, the author states that the funding of public TV, where most visual art programs appear, will be shorten and, as a result, the attendance of the museum can be decreased too. The argument of the statement is weak, because neither of reasons provides sufficient support of the argument.

First, the author states that according to the poll today 15 percent more people watch TV programs of visual art than 5 years ago. Meanwhile, he states that for such a time frame the attendance of city's art museum has increased by a similar percent. Therefore, the author concludes that the increased popularity of TV programs of visual art is correlated with the similar increase of people who visit museums. This statement is weak because it is not supported by some data or analysis that can show us the dependence between the increased popularity of the art museum and TV programs about visual art. Also, the increase of popularity of museums and TV programs among people could be caused by different reasons. For example, more tourists started visiting the city and attending city's museums. On the other hand, the popularity of TV programs about visual art could be increased because other public TV channels haven't had interesting TV shows or novels. The statement could be clearer if the author confirms by data or other analysis the dependence between the increased popularity of museums and TV programs.

Second, the author claims that the funding of public television is required in order not to lose attendees of the museum. This is again a very weak and an unsupported statement because it doesn't demonstrate the correlation between the increased popularity of the art museum and TV set of programs about visual arts. Giving such a statement the author isn't confident whether the decrease of visiting museum will happen or not. He only expresses the possibility of the case. In order to support the statement the author should confirm it by the information about previous experience in similar business or give us the solid background of the correlation between the increased popularity of the museum and TV programs about visual art.

To sum up, the argument is flawed for the above-mentioned reasons and therefore is unconvincing. It could be considerably strengthened if the author clearly mentioned all the relevant facts about the dependence between the increased popularity of museums and TV programs. Also, the author must identify and research other important factors beyond the conclusion that the increased popularity of the museum and TV programs about visual arts are correlated to each other.

P.S. I know that the essay has poor content and some grammatical flaws.

Give me advice how to build my prepration in order to get 5.0 - 6.0 for AWA. I am going to pass the exam in August.

Kind regards,

Nikolay