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please rate my essay. Thanks a lot!

This topic has 1 member reply
yann-malicks Newbie | Next Rank: 10 Posts Default Avatar
Joined
11 Nov 2016
Posted:
2 messages

please rate my essay. Thanks a lot!

Post Fri Nov 11, 2016 1:07 pm
Elapsed Time: 00:00
  • Lap #[LAPCOUNT] ([LAPTIME])
    Chemists have determined that spring water from Augusta, Maine contains minerals necessary for a healthy body. Residents of Augusta, Maine, have a longer life span than the average U.S. citizen. Even though spring water from Augusta, Maine may be expensive, it is a superior choice over drinking general tap water.

    Describe how well reasoned you find this argument. In the discussion be sure to analyze the line of reasoning and the use of evidence in the argument. For example, you may need to consider what questionable assumptions underlie the thinking and what alternative explanations or counterexamples might weaken the argument's conclusion. You may also address possible changes in the argument that would make it more logically sound, and what, if anything, would help you better evaluate its conclusion.

    The argument states that spring water form Augusta, Maine contains mineral necessary for a healthy body but it did not provides informations regarding how those minerals contribute to make the body healthy. Also it states that people form August have a longer life span than the average U.S citizen.This factor solely cannot say exactly the cause of a longer life span of residents of Augusta because many other factors are involved when it is about long life span. For all those non cited reasons, the argument is flawed.

    First of all, the argument states that there are minerals in Augusta's spring water necessary for a healthy body. Taken apart, this cannot be proven because beside the minerals the spring water contains, there is a way of treating the water itself when it is drained. If the water is not treated in a proper way, it will automatically decrease its efficiency in terms of how healthy it is for the body. The argument should have proposed more information to help the reader how exactly the water is treated from the step where it is drained to the final step where it is bottled and sold to customers of Augusta.

    Second, the argument states that residents of Augusta have a longer life span than the average U.S citizen. This factor is definitely not strong to support the idea of a longer life span because many other factors are involved to have a long life span. For example, in China, the atmosphere is so polluted that experts say if you breath the oxygen of Bejin it is the equivalent of smoking 21 cigarettes. We can easily conclude that the atmosphere is a big factor in the life span.

    Finally, it states that even though spring water from Augusta may be expensive, it is a superior choice over drinking general tap water. This argument is no reliable in the sense that products do not have the same price across the states in the USA. The same water bottle sold in Augusta may be cheap in the state of Arkansas, or Mississippi due to many factors. The transportation of the bottle form Maine to Arkansas will be long and expensive so at the end the water bottle will be expensive in this state. If the spring water is sold in the state of New York it will be less cheaper compared to the price in Arkansas because the distance from Maine to New York is short compared to Arkansas.

    To conclude, the argument is not well reasoned because it did not states more information regarding the composition of the spring water and the way
    manufacturers treat it before selling to people. It also does not show enough explications to support the idea of a long life span of people from Augusta than the average US citizen. Moreover, it definitely does not say exactly why the spring water is a superior choice over tap water.

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    donnaprimadonna Newbie | Next Rank: 10 Posts Default Avatar
    Joined
    29 Nov 2016
    Posted:
    4 messages
    Post Tue Nov 29, 2016 6:15 am
    You have some grammar mistakes like this one - "because it did not states more information regarding the composition". You need to write it like this - "because it does not state more information regarding the composition". But otherwise good structure of an essay. And you made a lot of valid points.

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