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Please rate my essay

This topic has 0 member replies
cyrus Newbie | Next Rank: 10 Posts
Joined
18 Nov 2016
Posted:
1 messages

Please rate my essay

Post Thu Dec 01, 2016 6:15 pm
I am from India and this is my first attempt of AWA. I am just in the initial stages of my GMAT preparation.

Essay prompt:
The following appeared as an editorial in a magazine concerned with educational issues:
“In our country, the real earnings of men who have only a high-school degree have decreased significantly over the
past 15 years, but those of male college graduates have remained about the same. Therefore, the key to improving
the earnings of the next generation of workers is to send all students to college. Our country’s most important
educational goal, then, should be to establish enough colleges and universities to accommodate all high school
graduates.”
Discuss how well reasoned . . . etc.

My response:
The editorial in an education magazine has expressed the opinion that in order to improve the earnings of the next generation males, it is necessary to send all of them to college. From this, the editorial argues that the nation's top educational goal should be to establish enough colleges and universities to accommodate all high school graduates. This argument provides insufficient information, looking at only one side of the problem, and draws superfluous conclusions from a false premise.

The editorial states that the real earnings of male college graduates have remained more or less the same over the past 15 years and then proceeds to recommend that in order to improve the income of workers, they should all be sent to college. The evidence cited fails to name the source from which this data was gathered. This argument does not elaborate on how sending students to college is going to increase their earnings when clearly the evidence points to no significant increase in earnings of graduate workers over the past decade.

The argument draws an unnecessary conclusion that the top goal of the country should be to establish more universities and colleges without giving enough information whether there are enough higher education institutions already in existence. If there are sufficient number of institutions, then there would be no need to establish any new ones. Data from countries like India and China, which have a high number of college-educated youth, shows that there is no significant difference between their real earnings and those with only a high school diploma. The editorial does not provide enough information about the current economic situation of the country.

The editorial assumes that college education is the only way to improve the net income of the younger generation without exploring other possibilities and alternatives such as skill development, vocational training, encouraging entrepreneurship etc., which have been proven to cause a considerable increase in incomes of workers in some countries.

Thus, the argument of the editorial has considerable limitations and flaws. The evidence stated is insufficient, the conclusions are superfluous, and its recommendations are detached from reality.

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