GMAT Essays (AWA)

Hi!

First post here. I gave a mock GMAT the other day and scored a 680. Not bad, but I have some weeks to go and can definitely improve that score!

I'd like the people here to give me some feedback regarding my essay. The essay question (if you will) was -
"According to the most recent survey of our readers, nearly 70% of the respondents indicated that they are planning to build or purchase a new home over the next 2 years. These results indicate that the growth in the construction industry is likely to accelerate in the near future. Therefore, this industry continues to offer lucrative opportunities for investment."

Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. Point out flaws in the argument's logic and analyze the argument's underlying assumptions. In addition, evaluate how supporting evidence is used and what evidence might counter the argument's conclusion. You may also discuss what additional evidence could be used to strengthen the argument or what changes would make the argument more logically sound.

My Response:

The crux of the argument is that the construction industry is a very attractive place to invest. The main evidence for this is a survey in which nearly 70% of respondents indicated that they are planning to build or purchase a new home over the next 2 years. The argument suggested in the extract does not hold a lot of weight as it takes into account a statistic that may or not may not have direct implications on the construction industry as a whole.

While 70% of the respondents indicated that they were planning to build or buy a house over the next two years, we don't know how many of them will actually go ahead with the same. Furthermore, there may be an availability of a certain number of houses on the market. This will ensure that for the most part, the construction industry will not have as big a windfall as the argument assumes. Additionally, it's not specified whether the surveyed individuals plan to go ahead with their considerable investment in the same locality or in a different part of the country. This is a crucial point as supply and demand on a local level has implications on the construction industry. Also, we do not have a breakup of the number of people who will build a house versus the people who will buy an existing property. As the economic conditions of the past eight years have not been steady, there exist many properties which have faced foreclosure or are not occupied. Hence, these properties being acquired by new owners will not directly impact the construction industry.

The last sentence from the article appearing in 'The Homebuilder' magazine concentrates on the construction industry as a viable region for investment. This argument is severely flawed because the outlook of the real-estate, housing and construction industries as whole are dependent on macroeconomic conditions which are hardly influenced by the decisions of consumers to purchase new homes.

To truly determine whether the construction industry offers lucrative opportunities for investment, we will need to analyse certain things not mentioned in the extract above. First, the present macroeconomic conditions which impact the construction industry and the real-estate market. If there is stability in the market and the overwhelming majority of those seeking new homes are in fact looking at newly developed properties, that would be a great for the construction industry. Secondly, whether there is growing demand for building new homes, as opposed to buying existing properties. Third, the costs associated with raw materials such as steel, concrete, etc. If the prices of critical goods in construction are stable or at least have a stable outlook, we can conclude that there won't be additional unforeseen expenditure. Lastly, with the demands for Unions and stable wages from workers, it would also be worth looking at the present labour force conditions in the construction industry.

By taking into account present macroeconomic conditions, analysing demand for new homes and prices of critical goods in the construction industry, and present labour force conditions, we will be able to determine whether the overall outlook for the construction industry is positive over the course of the next few years. This will in turn determine whether the industry as a whole offers lucrative opportunities for investment.

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I'm eager to hear the opinions of the people here as this is the first time I've attempted the AWA. Also, please tell me if there are any apparent or rather obvious faults in my language.

Thanks!

hey Katharine!

Thank you for the feedback.

I wrote the essay in about 25 minutes. And yes, I should have used the remaining time to check the essay for any errors. But I was too eager to start the quant section!

I have some queries about the points you made:
1. You mentioned that there are better ways to phrase than use 'First,' 'Second' and 'third.' That's a great piece of advice. Let's say I didn't phrase it in the manner I have in the essay and wrote the three points in a simple paragraph, would that be alright? Or would you recommend I stick to 'One paragraph - one idea?'

2. You've also recommended for the conclusion to have three strong sentences. Can you please elaborate on this point?

Thank you again for the valuable feedback on my essay.