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Please rate my essay

This topic has 2 member replies

Rate my essay

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pramani MBA Student
18 Jul 2007
4 messages
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Please rate my essay

Post Sun Aug 17, 2008 12:30 pm
Elapsed Time: 00:00
    Analysis of an Issue:

    Issue: "People often complain that products are not made to last". They feel that making products that wear out fairly quickly wastes both natural and human resources. What they fail to see, however, is that such manufacturing practices keep costs down oft he consumer and stimulate demand."

    My answer - in favor of the response that such manufacturing practices keep costs down and stimulate demand.

    While the argument that products should be built to last, does have some compelling supporting evidence, I am in support of the response to the argument which states that lower quality products actually lower the cost to the consumer and stimulate demand.

    As a member of Generation Y, I am keenly interested in the latest advances in technology and the newest gadgets out there. One of the main reasons I am able to purchase and experience the latest gizmo is because of its competitive price point. It is hard to imagine the success of the IPOD or PCs if they weren't priced to be well within the reach of the common man. A big factor in this pricing, is the fact that these products are not built to withstand the test of the time. They are built with reasonable quality and will meet most people's needs for up to 5 years or so, beyond which consumers usually purchase the next hot item on the market.

    In technology, the rate of innovation is so high, that a product purchased a few years ago, is usually obsolete in a few years after its launch. The low cost and high demand for these products is what drives this innovation and advancement in technology. It is very important for manufacturers to be cognizant of a competitive price if they want to successfully launch a new product. Consumers are also interested in owning the latest products - the new fast PC, the new cool iPhone, low price and high demand is what makes this possible.

    This concept of products becoming obsolete in a few years isn't restricted to the technology industry alone. Take fashion for example, almost all consumers want to wear the latest trends in the market, or close to the latest, and this is made possible by again pricing the products low enough so that consumers are able to lay their hands on the newest, trendiest items in the market. I myself have purchased several items that I know will probably only last a season or two in terms of quality, but I still would rather make that purchase, than purchase something with superior quality that will soon be out of style.

    Another important factor in why manufacturer's sometimes need to build products with lower quality is competition from foreign markets. Foreign markets like China and India are able to price products very competitively due to lower cost of the labor market in those countries. Consumers around the world are attracted by the low price and manufacturer's around the world must lower their costs to be able to compete.

    In summary, while lower quality products can result in the waste in human resources, I would argue that the high demand it creates is actually very good for the economy and helps creates jobs. Consumers today are also interested in owning the latest trends in fashion & technology and the availability of these products at a low price points is very important to these consumers. Innovation and influx of new products in the market is healthy for our economy and stimulates consumer spending.

    Thank you so much!

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    VP_Jim GMAT Instructor Default Avatar
    01 May 2008
    1223 messages
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    Post Wed Aug 20, 2008 9:08 am
    Everything looks good, except I think you need a little bit of work on your examples. The best examples are specific, real world things. So, for example, don't use a general example such as "fashion". Be more specific - think of a specific product. Also, avoid using personal examples. It's generally stronger to use more well known examples. Along the same lines, avoid using "I" "me" "my" etc. in your writing.

    Not bad though - I'll give you a 4/5 - would likely be a 6 with better examples.

    Good work!

    Jim S. | GMAT Instructor | Veritas Prep

    sashish007 Senior | Next Rank: 100 Posts
    13 May 2009
    72 messages
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    Post Thu Jan 13, 2011 9:30 pm
    i got a 6.0 on the AWA in my recent GMAT administration, so i can provide some constructive feedback:

    the essay is well-written and showcases your work experience. and is decent in terms of word length. what needs attention is:

    a. specific examples - you have touched generic examples and maybe little specific in para 4, but not detailed enough. you've to analyze the specific example, just like case studies.

    b. personalization - you've personalized the essay too much and sounds like an op-ed editorial. unless the specific examples elucidate your personal experience, first person should be avoided.

    c. deeper insights over several examples or facets - delving deeper into examples is more important than giving several examples. 2-3 dense paras that dig deeper would convince the reader better. for instance, para 5 talks about cheap labor from foreign nations. here, you can pick examples, say the influx of cheap laptops and electronic devices from China affected US's trade deficit as consumers chose to buy these products over expensive Apple or IBM products. this drove IBM and Apple to shift their production units to China and SE-Asia, leaving only design and pre-production phases in the country.

    overall, i would rate it a 4.5-5

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