Please rate my 2nd attempt at AWA. Retaking gmat in 2 days.

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Please rate this AWA. I would really appreciate your time and effort.

The following appeared as a part of an advertisement for Adams, who is seeking reelection as governor.
"Re-elect Adams, and you will be voting for proven leadership in improving the state's economy. Over the past year alone, seventy percent of the state's workers have had increases in their wages, five thousand new jobs have been created, and six corporations have located their headquarters here. Most of the respondents in a recent poll said they believed that the economy is likely to continue to improve if Adams is reelected. Adams's opponent, Zebulon, would lead our state in the wrong direction, because Zebulon disagrees with many of Adams's economic policies."
Discuss how well reasoned... etc.

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The argument claims that since Adam has improved state's economy in the past and since Zebulon (Adam's opponent) disagrees with many of Adams's economic policies, Zebulon would lead the state in the wrong direction, and Adam should be reelected as governor. However, the argument is not entirely logically convincing, since it omits some crucial assumptions.

First of all, the argument readily assumes that just because Zebulon disagrees with many of Adams's economic policies, Zebulon should not be voted for. This statement is a stretch and not substantiated in any way. For example, Like Adam's policies, Zebulon's economic policies could also manifest the betterment of the economy and only differ in some less important issues. Moreover, Zebulon's economic policies could be even better than Adam's policies. Hence, the argument is invalid unless the argument provides additional evidence to validate this unstated assumption.

Secondly, the argument claims that because Adam has improved the state's economy in the past he will continue to do so. This is again a weak and unsupported claim as the argument does not take into account that Adam leadership influence could have been decreasing in the past and would continue to decrease. To illustrate, a possible situation could be that the governor before Adam improved the economy much more than Adam improved. Additionally, it could be the case that Adam's first year as the governor saw majority of the improvement, which is boosted in the advertisement, and his subsequent years did not witness much improvement. Hence, the argument fails to convince readers that Adam will continue to prove his leadership in improving the state's economy.

Lastly, the argument did not compare Zebulon's plans with Adam's plans. Although, Zebulon disagrees with many of Adams's economic policies, Zebulon may have a solid reason to do so. The rational for Zebulon disagreement could have added as strong evidence in the argument.

In summary, the argument is flawed as the argument does not provide evidence that Zebulon disagreement with Adam is not good for the state economy. Had the author mentioned that Zebulon plans to revive economy are not at all valid, then the argument would have been much more convincing. The author could have also strengthened the argument by providing evidence that Adam's leadership and not any other factors improved the state's economy in the past few years. Without this Information, the argument is unsubstantiated and open to debate.

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by Katharine@GMATPrepNow » Wed Feb 18, 2015 5:23 pm
Hello NailTheMonster,

I can see areas of improvement from the first essay, which is great!

Writing: There were fewer errors in this essay, but still some worth mentioning. You mean to say that Adam has improved THE state's economy in the first line. Instead of "omits" at the end of the intro, I think you mean "includes," as in there are assumptions made that are not backed up by evidence. In the second paragraph, it should be "like Adam's policies" instead of "Like." We don't need new capitalization in the middle of a sentence. In the third paragraph, "Adam leadership influence" should be "Adam's leadership influence." The first paragraph of the conclusion needs work: "In summary, the argument is flawed as the argument does not provide evidence that Zebulon disagreement with Adam is not good for the state economy" is repetitive and long. "Information" in the final sentence should not be capitalized.

Structure: Your intro improved from the last post, and most of your conclusion is stronger as well. I would have liked to see more examples of ways to fix the argument. The third body paragraph is noticeably short, so aim for using three or more sentences next time.

Arguments/Evidence: As in your first essay, the body paragraphs are generally strong, and the intro/conclusion have improved. I liked seeing specific ways to fix the argument in your previous essay, but you don't provide as many suggestions here. I think you could eliminate the third body paragraph because it's the smallest, and instead you could add suggestions to fix the author's argument.

Suggestions for Improvement: Your intro/conclusion are better than they were in the first essay, but there were still several writing errors. Content and structure are more important than perfect English, but make sure to follow proper capitalization rules. I'd rate this a bit higher than your previous essay, maybe a 5-5.5, but points were lost for writing flaws. I'd suggest that you try one more AWA, but only if you're comfortable with the other GMAT sections. Since the AWA grade doesn't affect the total GMAT score and is shown separately, you'll have to make the right decision for your situation.
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by NailTheMonster » Wed Feb 18, 2015 5:49 pm
Thanks again for you valuable feedback, particularly for the article, apostrophe and capitalization ones. I fail to notice these errors even when I proofread.
Your explanations are really helping me in improving.
I will write one more tomorrow and will post for your feedback.

I meant "omits" in the first para. I would reword it as " However, the argument is not entirely logically convincing, since it fails to mention some crucial assumptions" . is the sentence now logically correct ?

Thanks !