GMAT Essays (AWA)

“Corporations and other businesses should try to eliminate the many ranks and salary grades that classify employees according to their experience and expertise. A ‘flat’ organizational structure is more likely to encourage collegiality and cooperation among employees.”

My response:

The author asserts that corporations and businesses should eliminate ranks and adopt a 'flat' organizational structure that will encourage cooperation and collegiality. Although such a policy intends to promote equality and cooperation, it would disturb the equilibrium of an organizational structure in more ways than one.

First and foremost, the concept of a 'flat structure' does not agree with the basic principles of growth. In a competitive, ever-expanding corporate environment, the concept of a 'flat' structure fails at the fundamental level where achievement is the mantra of the hour. Employees at various firms are fighting tooth and nail to achieve success for themselves and their firms. Without the incentives of betterment and growth, the efficiency and productivity of an employee and in sum,that of a firm, would hit ground zero. For example, if the boss of Company X walks in to work and tells his most efficient employee that everybody would be treated at par as far as ranks and salary grades are concerned, the employee would definitely resign.

Secondly, an authoritative figure is essential to every human family, be it a corporate organization or your own home. The lack of an authoritative figure would create havoc among employees.The necessity of a father figure is absolutely essential to the smooth functioning of an organization.All disputes and disagreements would go unattended and unresolved. The concept of cooperation and collegiality is not at flaw but the proposed manner of implementation is definitely at flaw.

Last but not the least, people educate themselves and qualify themselves for the most elite jobs. A 'flat' structure would undermine the achievements of aspiring employees and demotivate the ones who have just set out to achieve their goals. Aspirants would get laid back and have no incentive whatsoever to achieve their targets.

To sum it up, the author's view that a 'flat' structure would be the best step forward for promoting cooperation and collegiality is not in harmony with how employees in organizations prefer to operate and will prove deterrent to the progress of individuals and organizations.

Your essay isn't bad. However, I would suggest keeping the following in mind for test day:

1. Attempt to outline some of the issues you are going to discuss in the introductory paragraph.

2. Make each paragraph an essay in itself. In other words, it should have an introduction, an argument, and a conclusion or a sentence that makes a smooth transition to the next paragraph.

3. Use examples and concepts instead of opinions and general statements.

4. Try to stay away from cliché terms or overused statements (first and foremost, fight tooth and nail, hit ground zero, etc). Instead, attempt to use more conventional words and phrases (however, furthermore, nevertheless, it follows, also, in addition to, on the contrary, on the other hand, etc.) Try to provide the same reading cues that you are provided when reading text. This creates flow and improves the "look" of the essay.

5. Do not just slap together arbitrary sentences when you are writing the conclusion. Summarize what you have discussed and outline how it proves that your analysis is accurate.

6. Make sure that you are aware of common misspellings and improperly used terms: it's vs. its; affect vs. effect; who vs. whom; into not in to; etc.

7. While it is not necessary, it certainly embellishes your essay if you cite an example from scholarly literature or a general text. For example, in your essay, you could have cited widely known work by Alfred Chandler, Michael Porter, or Herbert Simon. For instance, on my exam, I cited Milton Friedman in an essay about voluntary vs. compulsory public service. Given, I read widely and a lot, so it is much easier for me to slip in some text that could be of relevance to physics, economics, social science, history, business, etc. Nevertheless, I still believe that a lot of books - it does not have to be nonfiction - can still be used as long as they are made contextually relevant.

Finally, make sure that you have enough time left to read through the essay and fix and adjust all of the parts that require improvements.