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Please rate essays

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molt_llest Rising GMAT Star Default Avatar
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Please rate essays Post Sat May 31, 2008 2:38 am
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    I did an exam this morning, I would like someone to rate my essays. Thank you very much!

    Analysis of an Argument
    Question Stimulus
    The following appeared as part of an annual report sent to stockholders by Olympic Foods, a processor of frozen foods.

    "Over time, the costs of processing go down because as organizations learn how to do things better, they become more efficient. In color film processing, for example, the cost of a 3-by-5-inch print fell from 50 cents for five-day service in 1970 to 20 cents for one-day service in 1984. The same principle applies to the processing of food. And since Olympic Foods will soon celebrate its twenty-fifth birthday, we can expect that our long experience will enable us to minimize costs and thus maximize profits."

    Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. In your discussion be sure to analyze the line of reasoning and the use of evidence in the argument. For example, you may need to consider what questionable assumptions underlie the thinking and what alternative explanations or counterexamples might weaken the conclusion. You can also discuss what sort of evidence would strengthen or refute the argument, what changes in the argument would make it more logically sound, and what, if anything, would help you better evaluate its conclusion.

    Question Answer

    The argument is assuming several risky assumptions, and would need to be strengthen because otherwise the argument could be flawed quite easily.

    First af all, the main assumption of the argument is that the proccessing food industry efficiency is similar to color film processing industry efficiency, as we can read in the argument "The same principle applies to the processing of food". But the argument doesn't strengthen this assumption with any example.
    For instance, the argument could explain that the processing food indusrty nowadays has achieved a very high efficiency, being pretty hard to improve it. This would certainly weaken the argument. On the other hand the argument could esplain that the processing food industry is using old methods to process foods and could improve very much applying new methods and new technology. This example would strengthen the argument.

    Another assumption underlying the argument is that the processing cost is the major part of the total product cost, as we can read in the argument that "we can expect that our long experience will enable us to minimize costs and thus maximize profits". But again there is any example strengthening the argument assumption.
    For example, apple produce hardware and software. While the main costs of the hardward production are the processing costs (material costs affects less to the product final cost), the main cost of the software production is not the processing cost (the main cost is the salary of the employees who think and programme the software). So the main costs depend on the production product and this argument doesn't give any clue about this.

    Finaly, the argument is explain that Olimpic food has a lot experience but the argument doesn't give any example on what olimpic foods has experience. Is Olimpic foods producing the same product as it produced 25 years ago? If the answer is not then the processing experience for the new product is not long.

    As I argued above, the argument has several risky assumptions and should be strengthen with some examples, otherwise the argument could be flawed easily.



    Analysis of an Issue
    Question Stimulus
    "One must rely on oneself, and not on others, to progress in life both personally and professionally."

    Discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the opinion stated above. Support your views with reasons and/or examples from your own experience, observations, or reading.

    Question Answer

    I agree with the opinion stated above. Although sometimes is easier to rely on others than to oneself, not always is possible to rely on others to progress.

    There are several moments in a person's live that are crucial to progress both personally and professionally.
    For instance, the moment to choose wether to keep studying or work. This crucial moment in oneself's live it usualy appear early, at an age when some people are not mature enough to decide. Do this people should rely on others to decide? I think that oneself should think about this with any interference. There are many examples of people who keep studying only because their parents wanted to, and this people has finaly left the studies but at this time they had wasted some years that they could have used learning a profession. I also know example of a friend who stop studying only because their parents thought that he would not be able to study a degree. Finaly this friend go back to study but again he lost several years.

    Another crucial moment is to choose a degree. At this point is very important to choose oneself alone. How many students of medicine pushed by their parents have finaly left the degree because they didn't like it? The degree will define what you will do in your future, and letting others to choose by you is very risky, since in the future will be oneself who will use that degree.

    Some studies and books have appeared arguing that anyone can achieve their goals by having confidence in oneself. Those books only explain how important is to rely on oneself to progress and also not to give up when people, whom you have rely on, disappoint you.

    As I explained above, I agree with the opinion stated because relying on oneself will always make oneself to be able to progress.

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    VP_Jim GMAT Instructor Default Avatar
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    Post Mon Jun 02, 2008 3:33 pm
    Here are my comments on the Argument essay:

    Your structure is good. I'd like to see a bit more in the introduction - restate the argument, say that it is poorly reasoned, and state in a few words what the three faulty assumptions are.

    Good job spotting assumptions and discussing how to strengthen them - that's exactly what you should be doing in this essay type.

    Proofread! Spelling and grammatical errors can sink an otherwise well done essay.

    I'm going back and forth on whether I'd give this a 3 or a 4. If it were cleaned up for spelling and grammar, it's a 4 for sure.

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    VP_Jim GMAT Instructor Default Avatar
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    Post Mon Jun 02, 2008 3:36 pm
    Now for the Issue essay:

    Again, I'd like to see more in the introduction. Restate the issue, take a position, and briefly summarize your points. Let the reader know where you're going with this essay.

    The body paragraphs are pretty good. Avoid using general examples ("students of medicine"), and also avoid using personal examples ("my friend"). The best examples are specific, real world, well known things such as companies, famous people, works of literature, events in history, etc.

    Finally, again, make sure you proofread.

    I'll give this one a 3, maybe a 4 if the spelling/grammar were cleaned up a bit.

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    Jim S. | GMAT Instructor | Veritas Prep

    molt_llest Rising GMAT Star Default Avatar
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    Post Wed Jun 04, 2008 3:13 am
    Thank you!!

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