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Please evaluate my Essay

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sakri5 Just gettin' started! Default Avatar
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Please evaluate my Essay Post Thu Aug 14, 2008 1:12 pm
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  • Lap #[LAPCOUNT] ([LAPTIME])
    Please provide your comments on the below essay

    Question:

    "The desire of corporations to maximize profits creates conflict with the general welfare of the nation at large."

    Discuss the extent to which you agree or disagree with the opinion stated above. Support your views with reasons and/or examples from your own experience, observations or reading


    Answer:

    I agree with the argument that desire of the corporations to maximize profits conflicts with the welfare of the nation at large. This can be explained with Walmart as an example. To achieve maximum profits, Walmart recuded the prices than what normal local sellers can afford to sell. This made lot of people in the nation choose Walmart than the local sellers for the purchases. Walmart was successful in this attempt to maximize profits, but this made the local sellers go out of business. Consequence is increase in the unemployement as lot of people tend to loose livelihood.

    The other example is many corporations like UBS, United, JP Morgan tend to outsource a part of the business to the countries where cheap labor is available. This will increase the profits to the corporations, but lot of skilled labour will loose the jobs because of the wage differences. This will cause increase in the umployement.

    Both the above examples are cases of increase in the unemployement due to the efforts of corporations to maximize the profits. The increase in the unemployement will directly affect the welfare of the nation.

    Other reason that explains the argument is, in an effort to maximize the profit, corporations recudes the benifits provided to the employees. This can be from the compensation provided to the employees to amenities provided to the employees. This will cause unrest among the employees. Unrest among the empoyees in the corporations will affect the general welfare of the people.

    But the flip side of the argument is that as the profits of the corporations maximize, the stock value of the Corporation increases and this adds value to the stock holders. . But the people who are going to benifit from the above reason are far more less than the people who are impacted. So I agree with the argument.


    --- Thanks, Sai Krishna

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    VP_Jim GMAT Instructor Default Avatar
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    Post Sat Aug 16, 2008 11:36 am
    The points you make are fine, but your essay lacks structure. Check out the sticky in this forum - look at some of the essays that have earned 6s and follow the template regarding how to write an introduction, body paragraphs, and a conclusion. Basically, your first paragraph should restate the issue and take a position. Your body paragraphs should each give one reason - and one example backing up your reason - for your position. And your final paragraph should again restate the issue, your position, and your reasons.

    I'll give this a 3.

    _________________
    Jim S. | GMAT Instructor | Veritas Prep

    sakri5 Just gettin' started! Default Avatar
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    Post Mon Aug 18, 2008 10:59 am
    Thanks Jim for the Feedback

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