My Third Essay. Experts Please Rate it.

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My Third Essay. Experts Please Rate it.

by tanvis1120 » Sun Jan 05, 2014 4:25 pm
The following memo was circulated by the management team of a retail company:

"We are very pleased to announce that the relocation of our inventory, which had been located in four different warehouses throughout the country, to a single new warehouse near Company headquarters in Boston. This consolidated location will cut the company's expenses for warehouse rent in half. As a result we expect our monthly profitability to go up by this amount."

My Essay:

The argument states that a Company in question has announced the relocation of its widespread inventory so as to merge it into a brand new single warehouse close to its headquarters in Boston. Such a step is expected to reduce the current expense of the company as it, no longer, has to pay for multiple rented warehouses. Hence, it would boost the present monthly profit that this Company has been earning. However, this argument relies on a number of unreasonable and illogical assumptions which leaves it weak and totally unconvincing.

First of all, the argument has nowhere mentioned about the size of the retail Company that it is arguing for. This is because the number and size of inventories required for a particular Company is directly proportional to the size of the Company. For example, if the Company in question is a small retail firm, it is not necessary for it to maintain warehouses throughout the country. Its inventory can be restricted to a little one, if it mainly deals in special orders in hand. On the contrary, for a large retail store, it is recommended, rather very necessary, to keep large inventories at multiple locations to cater to harbor its large volume of goods.

Another weak point in the argument is that cutting down on the number of warehouses will increase the Company's monthly profitability. There is no solid figure presented so as to show the profit versus the expense due to keeping multiple warehouses is quoted by the argument to prove this fact. There can be varied possibilities, for example, the Company's profit is so high that adding up a few thousand dollars just by maintaining a single warehouse, instead of multiple, will not be significant at all. Again, it could be an entirely different scenario if the Company is already at stake, in which case, cutting down the rent of multiple warehouses might especially prove to be helpful to enhance its profitability.

Yet another point that strongly weakens this argument is that it gives no idea about the Company popularity as a Brand throughout the country. This is required to decide the company's sales throughout the Country. What if there is a huge demand of its products among people. In this case, frequent shipping of its products to individual customer might be costlier than maintaining a couple of rented warehouses. Failing to regularly delivering the products, will certainly disappoint its customers, eventually affecting the company's reputation. This would prove to be rather detrimental to its profitability.

Therefore, it is pretty much clear that the argument has to be supported with essential facts and evidences, which it definitely lacks. To substantially strengthen it, the above mentioned points should be taken care of. Without all these facts, the argument remains unimpressive and fails to persuade its readers.

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by tanvis1120 » Mon Jan 06, 2014 3:33 pm
Experts, still waiting for your review comments..

Please help !!!!

Thank You.

Link: https://www.beatthegmat.com/my-third-ess ... 73219.html

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by David@VeritasPrep » Tue Jan 07, 2014 12:43 pm
I give the argument a 5.0 to 5.5.

First, the points that you make are very good. We do not know how the warehouse rent compares to the overall expenses and profits of the company. The size and extent of the company is unknown. (I would also mention the fact that the business model is unknown as well. A small company that primarily ships products to customers might need one type of warehouse arrangement, whereas a small local retail company might need a completely different setup.)

The point that you make that I like best is the idea that the geographic reach of the company is unknown. Companies like Amazon and Netflix are based on having shipping centers around the U.S. This allows these companies to offer everyone lower costs and faster shipping times.

Your writing is generally good. I think that there are a few things that you can improve including this sentence "However, this argument relies on a number of unreasonable and illogical assumptions which leaves it weak and totally unconvincing" This is a sentence that you can write ahead of time and memorize since it does not have to change based on the actual argument. I would favor something that did not say "unreasonable" and "totally unconvincing." How about something like; "The argument relies on unfounded assumptions to reach a conclusion that is not supported by the evidence."
Try to work up some good introduction and conclusion sentences, as well as some transitions that you will use with any argument you see.

This sentence could use a quick edit: "On the contrary, for a large retail store, it is recommended, rather very necessary, to keep large inventories at multiple locations to cater to harbor its large volume of goods." Instead of "to cater to harbor" which I know is just a small mistake since you would say either cater or harbor but not both - I would simply say "to store its large volume of goods." The simpler word is the better way to go in many cases!

Again, on the conclusion if you had something that you said each time such as: "The argument is flawed because it does not offer the factual evidence necessary to support the assertion that (and now you insert the specifics from this argument) consolidating the warehouses will result in increased profits."

There are some grammar errors but overall this is a fine essay and should result in a good score!
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by tanvis1120 » Tue Jan 07, 2014 3:23 pm
Thank You so much David for the detailed review..
Henceforth, I will take care of everything you mentioned.
Appreciate your help !