Hi,
This is my first attempt in writing the essay.
Can anyone kindly provide feedbacks?
Thank you so much for your help!!
Question:
Read the statement(s) and the instructions that follow, and then make any notes that will help you plan your response. Begin typing your response in the box at the bottom of the screen.
The following appeared in the personal finance section of a popular magazine:
"The average price of an acre of land in the United States is now 50 times what it was in 1970, and nearly 200 times what it was in 1920. The nation's population is projected to keep increasing, even as the amount of land remains constant. Therefore, people who are approaching retirement should invest heavily in real estate in order to ensure their financial security."
Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. In your discussion be sure to analyze the line of reasoning and the use of evidence in the argument. For example, you may need to consider what questionable assumptions underlie the thinking and what alternative explanations or counterexamples might weaken the conclusion. You can also discuss what sort of evidence would strengthen or refute the argument, what changes in the argument would make it more logically sound, and what, if anything, would help you better evaluate its conclusion.
answer:
The argument that heavily investing in real estate can provide financial security for people who are approaching their retirement omits a few key concerns that must first be understood before any sound decision can be made. The only link that was given is that land is becoming more scarce in the United states as the main reason is not a very supportive reason.
First, the argument assumes that real estate prices all over the world will go up as much as it did in the United States. In other parts of the world, this might not be true and therefore, real estate investment in those countries might not be as profitable as mentioned. Also the argument only looks at the average price of the real estate, this means that in average it is profitable but there could be cases of losses as well and this point was not detailed. Second, the argument relies on the fact that land is becoming more scarce as the main driver for the increasing price of real estate. However it does not explore the other possibilities which could have cause the price of real estate to go up. Perhaps only certain land area which have geographic advantages or other positive factors did experience such growth. Third, the argument tries to suggest people who are approaching retirement to invest heavily in real estate without first understanding the current situation of those people and the suitability of real estate as an investment product. For example, what if the person requires a steady flow of income and within a shorter period of time? An investment in real estate could be volatile and there's no guarantee what will be the investment time frame be like.
In summary, as the argument leaves out many key issues, it is not very persuavive. If the issues above are more properly elaborated then we could have gotten a clearer understanding of the argument give.
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MGMAT Mock Exam Essay 4
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KevinRocci
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Hi there! Happy to help. 
First off, for a first attempt, there is a lot of positives. You obviously don't have too much trouble identifying the flaws and gaps in logic in the argument. I think you identified some of the major ones.
Also, your style and tone is very easy to read. You are a concise writer, which is a huge benefit on this timed essay-there is no time for prevaricating. You speak frankly and directly with confidence. Keep it up!
My suggestion for improvement involves your organization in your body paragraph. You address a number of flaws in one paragraph. I would separate each flaw into it's own paragraph. When you do this, it will give you a little more room to explore each flaw, and most importantly, you can mention why they flaw hurts the argument. That was one part left out of your essay. You did not talk about how each flaw would weaken the conclusion. You talk about the flaw, you do a great job of talking about why it is a flaw, but it's important to return to the conclusion and explain how the flaw weakens the conclusion. Let me show you what I mean:
"Since the argument does not specify who this financial advice is for, it is hard to know whether the advice will actually be fruitful. Giving advice to a retired couple in Asia based on American real estate could easily result in bankruptcy since the American market and Asian market are effected by different factors. Without more clarification, I would not recommend following the financial advice outlined in this argument."
Hopefully you can see why it is important to return to the conclusion at the end. It focuses the readers attention back on the argument and puts the flaw in context.
I hope that this helps you improve!
First off, for a first attempt, there is a lot of positives. You obviously don't have too much trouble identifying the flaws and gaps in logic in the argument. I think you identified some of the major ones.
Also, your style and tone is very easy to read. You are a concise writer, which is a huge benefit on this timed essay-there is no time for prevaricating. You speak frankly and directly with confidence. Keep it up!
My suggestion for improvement involves your organization in your body paragraph. You address a number of flaws in one paragraph. I would separate each flaw into it's own paragraph. When you do this, it will give you a little more room to explore each flaw, and most importantly, you can mention why they flaw hurts the argument. That was one part left out of your essay. You did not talk about how each flaw would weaken the conclusion. You talk about the flaw, you do a great job of talking about why it is a flaw, but it's important to return to the conclusion and explain how the flaw weakens the conclusion. Let me show you what I mean:
I would recommending add another sentence:melaos wrote: First, the argument assumes that real estate prices all over the world will go up as much as it did in the United States. In other parts of the world, this might not be true and therefore, real estate investment in those countries might not be as profitable as mentioned.
"Since the argument does not specify who this financial advice is for, it is hard to know whether the advice will actually be fruitful. Giving advice to a retired couple in Asia based on American real estate could easily result in bankruptcy since the American market and Asian market are effected by different factors. Without more clarification, I would not recommend following the financial advice outlined in this argument."
Hopefully you can see why it is important to return to the conclusion at the end. It focuses the readers attention back on the argument and puts the flaw in context.
I hope that this helps you improve!
-
alisha18a
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Hi there,
I am new to this Forum.
Witting an Essay has never been fun, but it is definitely better if there is someone to share the pain
I like how we can get inputs on our essay here on the forum.
Kindly review my essay and suggest how I can improve.
Thanks,
Alisha
ESSAY QUESTION:
The following appeared in the personal finance section of a popular magazine:
"The average price of an acre of land in the United States is now 50 times what it was in 1970, and nearly 200 times what it was in 1920. The nation's population is projected to keep increasing, even as the amount of land remains constant. Therefore, people who are approaching retirement should invest heavily in real estate in order to ensure their financial security."
Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. In your discussion be sure to analyze the line of reasoning and the use of evidence in the argument. For example, you may need to consider what questionable assumptions underlie the thinking and what alternative explanations or counterexamples might weaken the conclusion. You can also discuss what sort of evidence would strengthen or refute the argument, what changes in the argument would make it more logically sound, and what, if anything, would help you better evaluate its conclusion.
YOUR RESPONSE:
Citing the argument that people who are approaching retirement should invest heavily in real estate in order to ensure their financial security, can be flawed in several ways. The argument is unsound and not persuasive due to several reasons. The argument is broad and leaves too many questions unanswered.
Firstly, it is the average price of an acre of land in the United States (US) that is said to be increased. We have no information on which places actually faced the highest increase in the prices. Talking of the country as a whole gives us no information on the demographic change in the prices of the land state wise or location wise. It is possible that prices have increased dramatically in a place such as New York whereas, in a small place such a South Bend the prices have not much changed. Hence the conclusion would not apply to all the people who are approaching retirement. Moreover renting a home could be a better deal in case the prices are so high. Also, Since the housing loans are generally long term, It needs heavy and long term investment. There may be places in suburbs where senior living facilities may be way better than downtown area where facilities may not at par and housing prices may be way too high.
Secondly, the argument makes a general statement as to where the elderly people should invest, failing to give any information on their financial security needs. Every investment needs and investment policy statement is unique. It is not justified to draw such a conclusion. Moreover, for retirement it is never a good idea to make long term and risky investment, which real estate is. Senior people need more liquidity compared to those who are working. They got to meet their medical expenses and other unexpected needs. Investing in real estate would block their money for very long. Moreover the real estate prices as the argument cites increased in more 40 years. Well will we really be able to enjoy the fruits is the real question. The argument also fail to give any changes in between the time frames. It may be possible that the prices may have decreased 50 fold during the credit bubble and may have increased later. That is important to determine the trend in the prices of real estate.
Finally, the argument is very broad and fails to elaborate further. It does not provide any data, statistics, demographics, facts and figures on which analysis can be made. Thus it is not right to make the conclusion as such stated. If the argument had these points included, along with the financial security needs of the people in the argument, it would be much easier to evaluate.
I am new to this Forum.
Witting an Essay has never been fun, but it is definitely better if there is someone to share the pain
I like how we can get inputs on our essay here on the forum.
Kindly review my essay and suggest how I can improve.
Thanks,
Alisha
ESSAY QUESTION:
The following appeared in the personal finance section of a popular magazine:
"The average price of an acre of land in the United States is now 50 times what it was in 1970, and nearly 200 times what it was in 1920. The nation's population is projected to keep increasing, even as the amount of land remains constant. Therefore, people who are approaching retirement should invest heavily in real estate in order to ensure their financial security."
Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. In your discussion be sure to analyze the line of reasoning and the use of evidence in the argument. For example, you may need to consider what questionable assumptions underlie the thinking and what alternative explanations or counterexamples might weaken the conclusion. You can also discuss what sort of evidence would strengthen or refute the argument, what changes in the argument would make it more logically sound, and what, if anything, would help you better evaluate its conclusion.
YOUR RESPONSE:
Citing the argument that people who are approaching retirement should invest heavily in real estate in order to ensure their financial security, can be flawed in several ways. The argument is unsound and not persuasive due to several reasons. The argument is broad and leaves too many questions unanswered.
Firstly, it is the average price of an acre of land in the United States (US) that is said to be increased. We have no information on which places actually faced the highest increase in the prices. Talking of the country as a whole gives us no information on the demographic change in the prices of the land state wise or location wise. It is possible that prices have increased dramatically in a place such as New York whereas, in a small place such a South Bend the prices have not much changed. Hence the conclusion would not apply to all the people who are approaching retirement. Moreover renting a home could be a better deal in case the prices are so high. Also, Since the housing loans are generally long term, It needs heavy and long term investment. There may be places in suburbs where senior living facilities may be way better than downtown area where facilities may not at par and housing prices may be way too high.
Secondly, the argument makes a general statement as to where the elderly people should invest, failing to give any information on their financial security needs. Every investment needs and investment policy statement is unique. It is not justified to draw such a conclusion. Moreover, for retirement it is never a good idea to make long term and risky investment, which real estate is. Senior people need more liquidity compared to those who are working. They got to meet their medical expenses and other unexpected needs. Investing in real estate would block their money for very long. Moreover the real estate prices as the argument cites increased in more 40 years. Well will we really be able to enjoy the fruits is the real question. The argument also fail to give any changes in between the time frames. It may be possible that the prices may have decreased 50 fold during the credit bubble and may have increased later. That is important to determine the trend in the prices of real estate.
Finally, the argument is very broad and fails to elaborate further. It does not provide any data, statistics, demographics, facts and figures on which analysis can be made. Thus it is not right to make the conclusion as such stated. If the argument had these points included, along with the financial security needs of the people in the argument, it would be much easier to evaluate.
hi alisha18a,
as you can see, usually essay questions doesn't get fast response.
and the fact that you posted your answer under mine will hide your essay from most view.
i suggest that you just create another question with polls like mine and hopefully someone will review your essay.
just my 2 cents.
thanks
as you can see, usually essay questions doesn't get fast response.
and the fact that you posted your answer under mine will hide your essay from most view.
i suggest that you just create another question with polls like mine and hopefully someone will review your essay.
just my 2 cents.
thanks
hi alisha18a,
as you can see, usually essay questions doesn't get fast response.
and the fact that you posted your answer under mine will hide your essay from most view.
i suggest that you just create another question with polls like mine and hopefully someone will review your essay.
just my 2 cents.
thanks
as you can see, usually essay questions doesn't get fast response.
and the fact that you posted your answer under mine will hide your essay from most view.
i suggest that you just create another question with polls like mine and hopefully someone will review your essay.
just my 2 cents.
thanks
