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Kaplan Test essay scoring please!!

This topic has 1 expert reply and 0 member replies
rakeshd347 Master | Next Rank: 500 Posts Default Avatar
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Kaplan Test essay scoring please!!

Post Sat Sep 14, 2013 7:33 pm
Hi Experts,
The essay below was in kaplan test 3,which I gave today and just want to get some scoring as to see where I stand on essay part of the test. 710 with 6 in IR is still ok but want to get some feedback on this please.

“It makes no sense that in most places 15-year-olds are not eligible for their driver’s license while people who are far older can retain all of their driving privileges by simply renewing their license. If older drivers can get these renewals, often without having to pass another driving test, then 15-year-olds should be eligible to get a license. Fifteen-year olds typically have much better eyesight, especially at night; much better hand-eye coordination; and much quicker reflexes. They are also less likely to feel confused by unexpected developments or disoriented in unfamiliar surroundings, and they recover from injuries more quickly.”

Discuss how well reasoned you find this argument. In your discussion, be sure to analyze the line of reasoning and the use of evidence in the argument. For example, you may need to consider what questionable assumptions underlie the thinking and what alternative explanations or counterexamples might weaken the conclusion. You can also discuss what sort of evidence would strengthen or refute the argument, what changes in the argument would make it more logically sound, and what, if anything, would help you better evaluate its conclusion. (used with permission from mba.com)


The above argument by the author states that 15-year-olds should be given the drivers license. The author has mentioned various factors in favour of the argument and also done the comparison between the old aged drivers and 15-year-olds. The author has mentioned factors such as hand-eye coordination, reflexes rates and confusion rate. There are few flaws in the argument. The author has provided evidence in favour of the argument,however, the author has failed to provide the other factors that might contribute to sound conclusion.

Firstly, The author has made comparison between old-aged and 15-year-olds drivers based on various factors such as hand-eye coordination and reflexes rates. However, There are other factors,which need to be taken into account. It could be possible that young drivers haven't reached the maturity age and are not responsible enough to take serious decisions. Author has not mentioned any figures or data to prove that what could be the maturity age for young drivers. It is possible that young drivers might have good reflexes and hand-eye coordination,but it might also be true that the experience and maturity they need to use them is still not achieved by young drivers.

Secondly, The author has mentioned that 15-year-olds are less likely to feel confused by unexpected development. However, it could be possible that not all the 15-year-olds have the same brain development and response rates. Some 15-year-olds might in fact lack these attributes. In case of accident or rain, some young drivers might get confused and end up in big accidents,which might affect rest of their lives.Furthermore, It could be the case that these attributes might be overshadowed by the years of experience.

Thirdly, The author has mentioned that old-aged drivers are more likely to feel confused by unexpected development or disorientation. However, author has not given any statistical data from reliable source to state that what percentage of accidents are done by old aged drivers. It could be the case that old-aged drivers are the least likely to cause an accident because of extra precaution and years of experience,which young drivers might lack.

The argument above is strong,however there are various flaws in the argument. The argument could be made stronger by providing some statistical data from reliable source or studies. Statistical data showing the comparison between the accident rate of young drivers and old-aged driver and also data showing the average maturity age of young drivers. It would also be helpful to evaluate the argument to know that by what degree the attributes such as reflexes,hand-eye coordination and experience contribute.It will not only strengthen the argument by filling the gap but also provide addition strengthen by mentioning unstated assumptions.


Can someone please rate this essay. If there are any flaws or room of improvement please provide some feedback as to how can I improve this.This essay was in kaplan mock test3. I scored 710 in this test Sad

Thanks
Rakesh

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GMAT/MBA Expert

Post Sun Sep 15, 2013 5:43 pm
Hi rakesh,

Your essay gets a four. Good job on it, but there are some things you can change to make it even better!

You do a good job identifying several key flaws, most notably that there are factors other than the ones that the author identifies, and you provide examples of what those factors could be. You also have good paragraphing, with a solid introduction, separate points in separate paragraphs, and a conclusion. Your introduction, by the way, identifies the parts of the argument, and does a good job setting up your thesis statement. All these contribute to making you have a satisfactory essay.

However, you need more variety to get a really successful score. The last sentence of your first paragraph, for instance, isn't really necessary because it states things you bring up again immediately afterwards in paragraph two. You talk repeatedly about the things the author has "mentioned," overusing that particular word. And, your third point overlaps quite significantly with your second point--both are about confusion in response to unexpected events. Make sure that you don't repeat content between sentences or between paragraphs, and make sure that your language is varied and interesting, and you can improve your score significantly.

I hope this helps!

_________________
Eli Meyer
Kaplan GMAT Teacher
Cambridge, MA
www.kaptest.com/gmat

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