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Issue and Arg Essay......Exam in a week....Please evaluate

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schumi_gmat GMAT Destroyer! Default Avatar
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Issue and Arg Essay......Exam in a week....Please evaluate Post Sun Nov 02, 2008 10:09 am
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  • Lap #[LAPCOUNT] ([LAPTIME])
    Issue:
    "The best way to give advice to other people is to find out what they want and then advise them how to attain it."

    The opinion that the best way to advice people is to find out what they want and then advise them to attain it, is controversial one. The issue is increasingly important in this age of individuality and success. Many people believe that giving advice even when people dont want it or without even understanding the circumstances would make them feel satisfied that they have done a good job of altruism. However, I would like to disagree with these people because without understanding the person's problem and circumstances it would be misguiding the person. Hence I stand by the opinion that it is important to find out what people want and then advise them how to attain it.

    The chief reason of my view is that advicing people without knowing the problem is like stating a most generalized principle that can be applied to every case. This is true in Mathematics. However, person life is not mathematics and a same problem will have different circumstances and different given parameters to find the solution. This can be explained in a best way by an incident that happened to my neighbour. My neighbour, new to california state, was in a car accident in which his car was rear ended by the other person's car. In the accident the passengers in my neighbour's car were injured. The proces of exchanging insurance and claim process went exactly same as a generally would. But, when it came to provide the claim by insurance, the other person insurance denied the claim for the injuries of the neighbour's passenger. My neighbour was very upset was going to sue the insurance company but he came to sek advice. This is the time i told him that state law of california mandates the passengers seat belt should be fasten at all times. Under this law, he would lose the case and also have to bear a financial loss. Generally, he would have been roght to sue the insurance company for not paying him the claim but this was a special case and so it is very important to know the details of the person's circumstances and parameters before giving him advice.

    Secondly, understanding the people's problem will definitely help you to give you the correct adivce. It might also be the case that you may find out that you are not the right person in giving the advice to the person and might refer someone who could help him rather then providing wrong information.

    Some may argue that many a times people are reluctant to provide all the information and might think that we are intruding into their privacy unnecessary. This might be correct but if we could convince him that more information would only help to eliminate most of the other possibilities, he might help you. It is also important for you to ask the relevant questions only. If you stray away from topic and ask him irrelevant information then he might be offended.

    Hence it is always best to know the persons problem and then provide the solution for the same. This view is very debatable and the opinion is very relative to people. However, if the above view followed as stated above will only help the individuals seeking information rather than hurt them.



    Argument:
    On average, middle-aged consumers devote 39 percent of their retail expenditure to department store products and services, while for younger consumers the average is only 25 percent. Since the number of middle-aged people will increase dramatically within the next decade, department stores can expect retail sales to increase significantly during that period. Furthermore, to take advantage of the trend, these stores should begin to replace some of those products intended to attract the younger consumer with products intended to attract the middle-aged consumer.
    ------------------------------------------------------------------

    The opinion stated above proposes to replace the products that attract the younger consumer with the products that attract middle aged consumer. To support the proposal, the author provides the comparison of sales percentages of products and services for each class of the consumer. Further to bolster the proposal author is expecting a increase in the middle aged population which is likely to further increase the sales of the departmental stores. The author's argument is a based on dubious assumptions and fails for several reasons.

    Firstly, author's assumption that the middle aged consumers are more that younger consumers should be supported with more information about the middle aged population and youger population of the town. The data provided is not a true representation of the town's population and hence there is little evidence to prove this statistical assumption.

    Secondly author assumes that the middle aged consumers are not at all the consumers for the products and services for younger ones. If the younger consumers are very young, then it is obviuos their parents, middle aged consumers, will be buying products for them and hence minimizing the percentage of the younger consumer. Futher, author states that there is expected growth in the number of middle aged consumer during next decade, but he does not provide any specific deatils of this increase. To support this causal assumption, author needs to provide more evident data.

    Further to strengthen the causal assumption that increase in the middle aged population will increase in the retail sales in next decade, author needs to eliminate that the consumers buying habits will remain the same. Also provide evidence that the market trends and the business policy of department towards consumer remains the same.

    In sum, author's argument is filled with gaps and holes and is not compelling. The author has failed to provide convinving statistics for the proposal, in anticipation, to replace the products of the younger consumer with the products of middle aged consumers. Further to strengthen the argument author needs to eliminate factors that are discussed above in the passage.

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    jayfla Just gettin' started! Default Avatar
    Joined
    03 Nov 2008
    Posted:
    3 messages
    Post Mon Nov 03, 2008 4:58 pm
    Hi Schumi,
    I am new at writing these essays, too (and am looking for guidance myself), so take my opinions for what they're worth.

    My first recommendation would be to review the format described on platinumgmat.com - [url]http://www.platinumgmat.com/about_gmat/awa_sample_essays[/url]. This site provides some helpful hints in organizing your essay.

    In each case, I would make sure to check your grammar. I caught a few misspellings as well as some improper capitalization. These errors will cost you valuable points.

    In your first essay, your first point seemed a little too long, especially in comparison to the other paragraphs.

    In your second essay, I would work on the conclusion a bit. Rather than refer back to your essay, succinctly restate (not word for word) your thesis statement.

    I would say these are at about a 3-4 level (a 4 if the grammar were in better shape) but again, I am not an expert rater by any means.

    Good luck!

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