GMAT AWA for Review

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GMAT AWA for Review

by Abhijit K » Sat Feb 21, 2015 12:22 am
The author tries to understand as to what are the reasons for the copied motorcycle being unable to attract the customers of Motorcycle X. He refutes the claim, made by some people,that Motorcycle X sells because of its loud engine noise. He also provides other explanations to support his claim. However the author's argument is flawed on account of faulty reasoning and incomplete information.

The first flaw in the argument is that the author compares car customers to motorcycle customers. The customer base for motorcycles is completely different from that for cars. Cars are bought by well settled rich individuals while motorcycles are generally preferred by youngsters. As the customer base changes the preferences will also change. For example, A rich man will buy a luxury car which makes little noise while a youngster will buy a motorcycle with a roaring engine.

Another flaw in the argument is that the author doesn't talk of the durability and other aspects of the copied motorcycle. All the author says is that television advertisements for motorcycle X highlight its durability and sleek lines and not its noisiness. However, if the copied motorcycle is more durable and sleek than Motorcycle X it would have been easy to attract customers of Motorcycle X had durability and sleek lines been their unique selling point.

The third flaw in the argument is that customers might think of low price as a sign of cheap quality and will not buy the copied motorcycle.They will assume that Motorcycle X selling at a higher price is of better quality than the copied motorcycle as it is selling cheap. For instance, there are two shirts with the same designs and fabric. We always tend to feel that the costlier one is better no matter how similar they look.

Based on the flaws mentioned above the author's argument is flawed. The author should provide features of both the motorcycles to compare their pros and cons. Once we compare all the features and survey the customers for their preferences we will be able to find reasons for the lower sales of the copied motorcycles. Therefore, the author's argument is flawed for lack of enough information and incorrect comparisons.
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by Katharine@GMATPrepNow » Sat Feb 21, 2015 11:33 am
Hello Abhijit,

Keep up the good work! There were even fewer mistakes in this essay, and it's clear that you are improving.

Writing: I didn't find major writing flaws, and it seems like you took the time to review this essay before submitting it. My only comments are on capitalization and awkward phrases. You sometimes capitalize "Motorcycle X" and other times do not: be consistent, and since the prompt says "motorcycle X," I'd recommend using that capitalization. The first sentence sounds awkward to me: "tries to understand as to what are the reasons for..." could be "The author attempts to show reasons..." or something similar. You used "we" a few times in this response, which I'd recommend you avoid for AWAs.

Structure: Other than the wordiness in the intro, the first paragraph is fine. The conclusion rephrases key points from your prompt, and both the intro/conclusion are stronger than in your earlier responses. Your body paragraphs had plenty of good information and followed each other logically.

Arguments/Examples: As usual, your body paragraphs pick out key problems in the essay prompt and address them reasonably. This response also had a good intro and conclusion, so you should feel happy with your progress.

Suggestions for Improvement: I'd put this essay in the 5-6 range, which is great! You've improved from your earlier responses. The only reason you might lose points in this essay is for the minor writing errors, but I don't think that they are serious enough to lower your score. You should feel comfortable studying other areas of the GMAT now.
Katharine Rudzitis - BA
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