GMAT Essays (AWA)

pranavjain64 wrote:Hi Everyone,

I am appearing for my GMAT in 4 days, and would HIGHLY appreciate help in rating my AWA essay.

I have taken the topic from OG '15 as below:

The following appeared in an article in a health and fitness magazine:
"Laboratory studies show that Saluda Natural Spring Water contains several of the minerals necessary for good
health and that it is completely free of bacteria. Residents of Saluda, the small town where the water is bottled,
are hospitalized less frequently than the national average. Even though Saluda Natural Spring Water may seem
expensive, drinking it instead of tap water is a wise investment in good health."

Essay:

According to the author of the article in health and fitness magazine, in terms of good health, it is wiser to spend and drink Saluda Natural Spring Water than to save and drink tap water. However, there are several fallacies in the argument made by the author due to the following reasons.

First, it is mentioned that the residents of Saluda, which is the location of bottling, are hospitalized lesser than the national average. The article fails to mention whether the residents drink the same water which is bottled in Saluda. It is possible that the residents are healthier because they do not drink the water which is bottled and prefer tap water or some other brand. Knowing the water which the residents of Saluda drink will go a long way in establishing the author's argument.

Further, the author fails to take in to account the presence of bacteria, which may be beneficial for human health, in tap water. Certain studies have indicated that some bacteria, such as those as found in probiotic food, in fact, help in digestion. The absence of such bacteria in Saluda Natural Spring Water may end up disturbing a healthy functioning of the human body. Also, a lab study similar to the one done for Saluda Natural Spring Water should be done for tap water, to check for the presence of the beneficial minerals present in the former.

Lastly, there is no mention of the bottling process and conditions of the bottles used to pack Saluda Springs Natural Water. In line with the studies, the water may be beneficial, however, any contamination in the bottling process or the quality of bottles used may have an adverse impact on the customer's health. Recently, in one of the developing countries, a leading soft drink's brand had to suffer huge losses due to detection of harmful chemicals in the bottle. While there was no chemical detected in the drink itself, these chemicals were found in the inside coating of the bottle. A positive result in a thorough survey of the entire packaging process, bottling process and shipping process right from source to the consumer's hands will assist in strengthening the author's claim.

In conclusion, there are several gaps in the author's claim of choosing Saluda Springs Natural Water over tap water, as noted above. The mentioned steps will help in establishing the validity argument.