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First issue essay ... please rate...thanks

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gmatgoal Junior | Next Rank: 30 Posts Default Avatar
Joined
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Target GMAT Score:
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First issue essay ... please rate...thanks

Post Tue Aug 12, 2008 11:50 am
Elapsed Time: 00:00
  • Lap #[LAPCOUNT] ([LAPTIME])
    "Some experts maintain that students learn best in a highly structured environment, one that emphasizes discipline,
    punctuality, and routine. Others insist that educators, if they are to help students maximize their potential, ought to
    maintain an atmosphere of relative freedom and spontaneity."
    Explain your position on the issue of structure versus freedom in an ideal learning environment. Support your views with
    reasons and/or examples from your own experience, observations, or reading.


    ===================================================



    Which environment is better for students to learn ? Is it a highly structured
    environment with strict bindings and rules to follow? Alternatively, is it a
    setting with freedom to do what we love to do ? In this essay I would like to
    argue that, an environment with freedom but with certain discipline and
    punctuality, is the one which enables to be spontaneous and helps to bring the
    most out of students.

    Firstly, I would like to say a few words on why I don't like an inflexible
    environment. If students are expected to follow a specific pattern, there is
    every danger that they will lose their interest and become tired of the strict
    regiment. The thoughts will become mechanical and students will fail to think
    out of the box. Learning will not be fun and students will feel as if they are
    forced to perform their duties. Nobody likes to be told everything whatever
    that has to be done. It is human nature and the schools have to understand
    that.

    Secondly, I would like to say why an atmosphere with independence to do what
    we want to do is the best. Every single student will have certain talent. It
    is the duty of the teachers and the school authorities to identify the talent
    in the students and to carve a route for them. Say, a particular student is
    good in sports, but not good in studies he can be encouraged to take sports
    professionally. Take any successful personality, there will be a big role
    played by his school in bringing out the talent in him and encouraging him to
    perform well in his chosen field. However, I would like to say that discipline
    and punctuality has to be taught in schools without being rigid. So, in
    addition to a cool surrounding, it is the duty of the schools to teach the
    importance of discipline and punctuality, the two qualities which will prove
    to be indispensable in the futures lives of students.

    In sum, it is in the best interest of the students, if the schools provide a
    congenial environment without being rigid and highly structured, in which the
    students can blossom and learn the lessons for their future lives.

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    VP_Jim GMAT Instructor Default Avatar
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    Post Tue Aug 12, 2008 2:16 pm
    You're off to a good start. My biggest comment is that you should back up all your points with specific, real world examples - good examples include specific companies, people, works of literature, historical events, etc. Avoid general or hypothetical examples.

    Secondly, try to avoid using the word "I" in your writing. It's not a big deal, but avoiding speaking in the first person will tighten up your writing.

    Finally, you should try to have three body paragraphs. This isn't a big concern on this essay since your two body paragraphs are pretty long and well developed, but three would be better. It's sad but true: longer essays tend to score better.

    I'll give you a 3.5 on this one.

    _________________
    Jim S. | GMAT Instructor | Veritas Prep

    gmatgoal Junior | Next Rank: 30 Posts Default Avatar
    Joined
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    Posted:
    23 messages
    Target GMAT Score:
    700+
    GMAT Score:
    700
    Post Tue Aug 12, 2008 11:10 pm
    Thanks for the valuable comments Jim. I will include real world examples in my next attempt.

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