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Experts, please review my essay: GMAT in two months !

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tanvis1120 Senior | Next Rank: 100 Posts
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Target GMAT Score:
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Experts, please review my essay: GMAT in two months !

Post Sun Jul 13, 2014 9:44 am
Elapsed Time: 00:00
  • Lap #[LAPCOUNT] ([LAPTIME])
    The following appeared in the health section of a magazine on trends and lifestyles:
    “People who use the artificial sweetener aspartame are better off consuming sugar, since aspartame can actually contribute to weight gain rather than weight loss. For example, high levels of aspartame have been shown to trigger a craving for food by depleting the brain of a chemical that registers satiety, or the sense of being full. Furthermore, studies suggest that sugars, if consumed after at least 45 minutes of continuous exercise, actually enhance the body’s ability to burn fat. Consequently, those who drink aspartame-sweetened juices after exercise will also lose this calorie-burning benefit. Thus it appears that people consuming aspartame rather than sugar are unlikely to achieve their dietary goals.”
    Discuss how well reasoned . . . etc.



    The author of the argument above claims that people who use artificial sweetener, aspartame are less likely to achieve their dietary goal as compared to those who use sugar. Though his claim may well have merit, the author presents a poorly reasoned argument, based on several questionable premises and assumptions, and based solely on the evidence he offers. Hence, his argument cannot be considered as valid.

    First, the author mentions that consuming aspartame can actually contribute to weight gain instead of weight loss. He has not provided clear evidence in support of this statement. Also, he is not certain about his claim as he mentions it “can” contribute to weight gain rather than it “does”. Aspartame might actually be a medically approved sweetener, suggested by experts for weight loss along with physical activity which is a very important factor to lose weight. The statement he has made needs to be strengthened by providing references in the form of medical approval. This can also be supported by feedback from customers who actually used aspartame and gained weight rather than losing it. It can be possible that lack of physical activity is causing people to gain weight, rather than consuming aspartame alone. Thus, the author’s argument is based on a number of reasons he has ignored.

    Second, the author provides an example to prove his point that high level of aspartame has shown to increase craving for food by attacking a chemical in brain which accounts for satiating hunger. This, in fact, may be true only for those consuming “high level” of this sweetener, more than prescribed. Hence, the author is not clear about his claim.

    Third, the author jumps to a conclusion that drinking aspartame post exercise leads people lose their calorie burning benefit. He has not provided any point to support his claim. He has not even mentioned any comparison between the effects of consuming sugar and aspartame post exercise. On the contrary, he simply concluded the consequence of aspartame consumption based on sugar consumption. So, he has utterly failed to prove his point.

    The argument is flawed because it does not offer the factual evidence necessary to support the assertion that consuming aspartame is detrimental to a person’s dietary goal achievement. If the author truly hopes to prove his points, he should fix the flaws in his unproven assumptions, clearly explicate his evidences, and provide real life examples. Without all this, the author fails to persuade the readers of this argument.

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    tanvis1120 Senior | Next Rank: 100 Posts
    Joined
    28 Dec 2013
    Posted:
    95 messages
    Followed by:
    4 members
    Thanked:
    2 times
    Target GMAT Score:
    750
    Post Mon Jul 14, 2014 7:01 pm
    Could an expert please look into it ?

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