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Exam in 4 days!!: Please Review my Argument Essay

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AbhishekGakhar Senior | Next Rank: 100 Posts Default Avatar
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Exam in 4 days!!: Please Review my Argument Essay

Post Mon Jul 28, 2008 6:15 am
Elapsed Time: 00:00
  • Lap #[LAPCOUNT] ([LAPTIME])
    Hi guys,

    It will be a great help if someone could review my argument essay. My G-Day is in a week's time. Please Help!

    Argument Topic:

    "Two years ago, City L was listed 14th in an annual survey that ranks cities according to the quality of life that can be enjoyed by those living in them. This information will enable people who are moving to the state in which City L is located to confidently identify one place, at least, where schools are good, housing is affordable, people are friendly, the environment is safe, and the arts flourish."

    My response:

    The author has concluded that the people who move to the state in which City L is located will be able to identify one place, at least, where schools are good, housing is affordable, people are friendly, the environment is safe, and the arts flourish. He uses the results of a survey listing City L 14th in terms of standard of living of the people living in it. The results of the survey have certain flaws and do not directly lead to the conclusion made by the author.

    Firstly, the author has not made any statement about how many cities of the state were surveyed. No information is provided which can help in judging the 14th place listing of City L.

    Secondly, the author uses City L as the basis for his generalization for cities of the state in which City L is located. The fact that City L is listed 14th does not mean that cities of the state in which City L is located generally have a good standard of living.

    Thirdly, the author has provided no information on how the results of the survey affect identification of cities meeting certain criteria such as good schools, flourishing arts etc. For e.g. a good standard of living of a city does not necessarily imply that the people of the city are friendly.

    Also, the author has provided no information to prove that a city with a good standard of living has to meet all of the criteria listed above. It may be true that certain cities fulfill certain criteria to full extent and do not meet some other criteria fully but have a good listing when all the criteria are considered together.

    In order to strengthen this rather weak argument the author needs to do the following. The author needs to mention how many cities were considered for the survey so that the listing of 14th can be judged in a better light. He also needs to mention that the listing of City L is representative of the cities of state in which City L is located. It also needs to be mentioned that the survey was done based on criteria such as good schools, affordable housing etc. and that a city needs to meet all these criteria to be considered for the listing.

    Thanks a ton!!!

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    VP_Jim GMAT Instructor Default Avatar
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    Post Thu Jul 31, 2008 2:05 pm
    You're on the right track with this. I'd eliminate one of the body paragraphs - you don't need to spot three errors in reasoning the author made. Aim to discuss three in more depth. Your argument would be much more effective if you wrote 4-5 sentences per paragraph.

    Also, make sure you write a conclusion.

    I'll give you a 3 or 4.

    _________________
    Jim S. | GMAT Instructor | Veritas Prep

    Thanked by: AbhishekGakhar

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