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essay evaluation

This topic has 1 member reply
aki333 Newbie | Next Rank: 10 Posts Default Avatar
Joined
16 Aug 2017
Posted:
1 messages

essay evaluation

Post Wed Aug 16, 2017 7:10 am
Elapsed Time: 00:00
  • Lap #[LAPCOUNT] ([LAPTIME])
    Hello, need your help with evaluating this essay of mine on 'A government has various duties to its citizens, but limited resources. Should defense spending take up a significant proportion of the national budget? Discuss.' Actually I've seen somewhere here on forum topics on Free GMAT GRE AWA essay rater but couldn't locate this rater. I thought of using edit paper for me or write paper for me services but those are paid and free versions do not show much. So, hope you can help me out. Thanks

    Although I am rather incompetent in politics and history, I would like to believe that there will come a time when a prosperous society could peacefully live with minimal military spending. However, in the current state, it is probably important for a country to have a strong defense mechanism.

    I would compare this to vaccine-preventable infectious diseases. Until the disease is present in the population, vaccination is a very important measure to prevent disease. But as soon as the infection is completely eradicated from the country or even from the planet, as in the case of smallpox, vaccination can be stopped without risk.

    This analogy might suggest why some countries, such as Switzerland, can stay "conflict-free", without negative consequences, just like in a population with a high vaccination rate a small percent of people can remain unvaccinated without getting the disease. When the percent of unvaccinated people rises over a certain threshold, however, the risk of infection immediately increases.

    Still, I understand that thinking by analogy, rather than thinking by first principles, as Elon Musk would say, can be flawed, since the mechanisms by which an infectious disease spreads might be completely different from those by which violence and aggression disseminate.

    Only when a solution will be found to stop the threat of violence around the world, defense spending will become globally irrelevant.

    I don't believe that simple diplomacy and political intelligence can eradicate violence. My hope is that there will be a breakthrough in medical and/or psychology sciences, which will help determine the origins of violence and also envy, anxiety, sense of superiority, unhappiness and fear of diversity, as well as a way to permanently change our perspectives in a better, more useful and peace-inspiring way.

    Need free GMAT or MBA advice from an expert? Register for Beat The GMAT now and post your question in these forums!
    crystalkranz Newbie | Next Rank: 10 Posts
    Joined
    19 Sep 2017
    Posted:
    1 messages
    Post Tue Sep 19, 2017 10:01 pm
    You are decent author. Your article is extremely useful and fascinating. However, there is one thing that I need to exhortation to you to improve your measures. I mean your written work style (ultius writing). In some cases it's better request master meeting.

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