GMAT Essays (AWA)

Prompt:

"In order to earn the most money for supplemental school programs, we will have larger and more thrilling rides at this year's School Fair, including a ferris wheel that is twice as tall as last year's ferris wheel. In addition, the game vendors will award more expensive prizes and the food stalls will showcase a variety of upscale international dishes. As a result, we will be able to charge a higher entrance fee and the dollar amount we earn via our commission on the vendors' revenues will be higher than it was last year."

Essay:

The argument makes several claims that in order for the school to make more money for the supplemental school program through the next School Fair larger rides would be installed, more expensive prizes will be awarded, a wider variety of food would be available for sale, and lastly the entrance fee would be raged. All these ideas are good however there is never any mention on if any of the ideas would end up working. Several natural obstacles are not being observed. Mainly, will people go to such a fair if everything is more expensive? Also even with all the new items to enjoy and purchase, will it be enough to earn the absolute max amount for supplemental school programs? Mainly 2 themes are not explored including demand and expense.

First, the more important question is not being answered. If items at the fair are more expensive will people still attend the school fair? There is no way of knowing but looking at the standard rules of supply and demand, if something is more expensive people will question the reason they would spend more money. One, a good cause for raising money for school programs may draw some people but having fun is probably going to come in second. But if the price of having fun and supporting anything is to high people simply will not show up. The prompt fails to consider if people will show up with the higher prices.

Second, though the reasoning of installing better equipment and charging higher prices is well merited considering the ultimate goal of raising money for school programs. There is no logical explanation as to if the ideas presented will even work the way it's intended to be. The School Fair attendees can be charged more but if no one shows up the point is moot. If the prompt could explain how they would need a certain amount of attendees and more details on what metrics they need to measure then the prompt would be more believable. Mainly, more solid evidence of how charging more will result in more funding for school programs needs to be explained.

In Conclusion, the School Fair fails to consider if adding more amenities and charging more money will result in the right amount of attendees showing up and what the correct amount of funding is needed for the presented additions of larger rides, variety of foods, and better prizes to be effective. Again, if demand and expense are better analyzed the schools statement may be taken more seriously.