GMAT Essays (AWA)

"Motorcycle X has been manufactured in the United States for over 70 years. Although one foreign company has copied the motorcycle and is selling it for less, the company has failed to attract motorcycle X customers - some say because its products lacks the exceptionally loud noise made by motorcycle X. But there must be some other explanation. After all, foreign cars tend to be quieter than similar American-made cars, but they sell at least as well. Also, television advertisements for motorcycle X highlight its durability and sleek lines, not its noisiness and the ads typically have voice-overs or rock music rather than engine roar on the sound track."

My response :

The author is making an attempt to reason out the performance of the copied version of the motorcycle X in the market, but he tries to support his claim with weak premises and poor facts.

Initially, the author refutes the claim that the low performance of the copied version of the motorcycle X in the market is due to the low levels of noise that it produces. He tries to provide his own opinion on the same with the help of a vague statement. If he had to put a point across then he should have used a much more precise premise to justify his reasoning.

The author mentions the opinion of "SOME" people in the argument, but does not mention an exact number. Is it an opinion of 12 or 120000 people? Had he mentioned the same, then it would have been helpful to evaluate whether he is correct about rejecting the opinion of those people.

The author cites the example of the success story of a car company that copied the American car models and managed to make profits out of the same. On the basis of a single case, he generalizes that the company under question should have made profits as well. His generalization is not accurate as he is looking at only a single success story rather than looking at a variety of such stories and their respective outcome.

The author mentions that the TV ads never endorsed the voice that the motorcycle X produces, but isn't it possible for a customer to take a test ride of the bike and then evaluate it's noise levels? Can't there be customers, who only look for the noise factor in the bike? That can be the reason that the copied version of the motorcycle X did not do well in the market.

Meanwhile, the author can strengthen his argument by mentioning more accurate facts and concrete evidence that give a hawkeye view of the issue at hand. He should try and be more clear about his intentions and opinions so that there are no doubts regarding the aim of his argument.

PLEASE EVALUATE AND LET ME KNOW YOUR VIEW ON THE SAME.

Thanks and Regards,
Nitin Menon