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Analysis of the issue - Please evaluate

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Xia_devil Newbie | Next Rank: 10 Posts Default Avatar
Joined
21 Jun 2007
Posted:
8 messages

Analysis of the issue - Please evaluate

Post Fri Jun 20, 2008 11:05 am
Hey guys, this is my first try at writing an essay.. Please let me know the tunning that i need to do .. Thank you in advance..


The topic " Study of history is largely a waste of time because it prevents us from focusing on the challenges of the present" is a tricky one. Though people would think otherwise, I belive
that studying history is actually a wast of time.

Many people think that its our duty to know about our culture, "how human beings evolved?" . A person should know about all the great wars his country was involved in and one's countries
struggle for freedom( in case the country was colony of one of the western powers). However, I think, those events makes a good bed time stories but not as an academic interest.

Just like Albert Einstein once said "what is the use of keeping all the dates of the past in my head, I would rather look it up in the book, in case I need them." , I too think in those lines.
I don't understand the use of studying about the wars that spilled the blood of innocent people. Countries (not just one or two but quite a few) getting involved in war and wasting lot of money, human resource and ammunesions . Even if we study about this events, we will not be able to change the past or even stop it from happening.

I would rather put my energy into studying something that I helps me to face the challenges of the present. Study new things which has practicle application. Something that would help me in my day to day activies. Studying about new technology which can be used to enhance the quality of lifes is much better than studying about how a person, who is not way related to me, died, or how the battle was fought or ,even, why it was fought in the first place.

Finally, when I think of the topic, about studying something which tells me about incidents that happened in the past, has no practical use or even I have no control over, makes me to speak for the
topic rather than against it.

_________________
With regards,

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VP_Jim GMAT Instructor Default Avatar
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Post Fri Jun 27, 2008 8:45 pm
Hi Xia_devil,

I think you're on the right track with this, but there are a few things I'd recommend working on. First, do try to make the time to carefully proofread your essay for grammatical and spelling mistakes before you submit it. Also, the odd paragraph spacing (which could be just a glitch in your computer program or something) makes it slightly more difficult to read.

Next, you did a nice job using a quote from Albert Einstein as an example - however, you should do that for all of your examples. You should try to come up with real-world, specific examples that are preferably proper nouns (names, places, works of literature, etc.).

Lastly, try to lengthen your introductory and conclusion paragraphs. This is just a stylistic recommendation; they just seem a little short at the moment.

I'd give this a 3. Good luck!

_________________
Jim S. | GMAT Instructor | Veritas Prep

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